(Kyle Cease's Comedy Central Presents special airs Friday at 10p / 9c. Check out his official website and his MySpace page) for a preview.
April 29th 2006
Tomorrow I get to go home. I have been on an insane college tour and I cant believe that I get to finally go home. I am so exhausted. Its weird. I have learned so many things on this last tour. There really is quite a list. However, out of everything I have learned, the most important life lesson that I can share with you is this; If you ever become a college comic and have to do 100 colleges, Do not perform at the University of Tennessee in Martin.
I have performed literally since I was 12 years old. I know that all comics have had bad nights, but if you and I were ever playing the game, "Would you rather" and you gave me the choice of, doing a 5 minute performance at Tennessee for a ton of money, or eat a Dom Deluise rectum sandwich, made with fresh Deluise rectum. I would think about it for 10 minutes and pick the show.
My point is that I still had to think about it for a while. Yes, no one would eat a rectum sandwich over doing a show and I apologize if you are one of those people who gets excited because they think that I would do that. This actually is not really a "type of person" but the truth is thats so gross.
I don't even care if I had written notarized proof that it was clean and I wouldnt get sick from eating the sandwich. Its still Dom Deluise, who is old and fat. You might point out that he is a star, but he still was in Cannonball Run II, "Cannonball Runner".
My point is that I had to think about it. Come on people! Cannon. Ball. Run . . . TWO!!! Who would eat a rectum sandwich with anyone's rectum from that movie? No one.
well just the fact that there was a cannonball part two says a lot about humanity. The seventies and early eighties was that pergatory period (wish we could erase years) for movies and a lot of music…Even my hero Bob Dylan put out some albums during that time that were-forgive me-pretty bad. And unless your brain is still developing and your brain cells are jumping about in enthusiasm with a lot of eager regeneration going on… extended periods in any college atmosphere is just plain dangerous.
you are absolutely brilliant! the funniest person i've seen on this channel. good luck
you are absolutely brillian! the funniest person i've seen on this channel. good luck