June 21, 2006 1:34 pm
Kittenpants
Kittenpants
Sometimes a headline can be duplicitous, which leads to misunderstandings and ultimately disappointment. For instance, I was incredibly sad to realize a supermodel and sea mammal had not mated. Imagine my disappointment when I realized Angelina Jolie didn't actually give an interview about the placenta and fetal membranes expelled from her uterus. Or that she wasn't literally "on" her babies. You get enough tattoos and vials of blood, and I'll believe just about anything.
Today's most confusing headline, and story, for that matter, is this gem about a bear, a sexy trap, and declining an offer from a thirteen-year-old TV star.
You figure it out.
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In order to cure Stephen Colbert of his obsession with "bears" and the phobia associated with them and to make him leave the bears and their relatives,the bear-people in peace, I will gladly appear on the Colbert Report, in the background, behind Stephen,or beside him, if he is more comfortable with that, in full Bear-Regalia, in other words, as a bear, and give my friendly bear-treatment, a psychological-rushing type-experience, and finally cure Stephen of his bear-hatred/phobia forever.He will grow to love us over the period of 30 minutes, guaranteed. From then on we will here no more of bears from Colbert, as they will no longer haunt him. This is for his own good, well-being and future happiness and for his fans,the knowledge that our hero will no longer suffer from bear-a-phobia. Please get this message to Stephen, before it is too late. Your friend in the forest, The Great Canadian Bear.
( After all,it would seem that there is a Bear somewhere in Col-Bert,if I am not mistaken? )