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First Connie Chung lost her mind. Now Maury Povich has exposed the world to pickle-phobiacs. I wonder what dinner conversation is like at their house. I imagine it takes place on the floor, in a round room where Con and Mo-Po eat hamburgers with giant sporks as their pet monkey flies a spaceship round and round, above their heads.

Seriously, though. Pickle Phobia? This woman is not afraid of mad-cow disease. She isn't terrified of the sharp and multi-bladed artichoke. She has no concerns about the danger of putting ketchup on hot dogs. She's screaming bloody murder about a well-rounded cucumber in a salty brine.

I kind of hope she gets pecked to death by that Vlasic stork.