The Fastest Way To Uncool
You know the way to not look cool? Like, the number one way? Like, there's no one, nowhere that could ever pull this off. No one. It's called the Chapman Stick. It was invented to keep hippies and Jazz majors celibate. It makes a perfect gift to anyone who you'd like to sterilize. And there's a whole website full of pictures of people making my point for me.
You're welcome.

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