Today is the day when people the world over celebrate one of our most beloved holidays, Talk Like Pirate Day. We sincerely hope that everyone is enjoying this happy occasion.
However, we would be remiss to not mention a cause that is dear to our hearts: educating people on the true nature of pirates. The Hollywood spin machine, in its infinite wisdom, has spent decades lying to the public about the ways that pirates lived their lives and conducted their business, turning sea-fairing rogues into romantic anti-heros.
And why? What is the nature of this unholy union between filmmakers and the Pirate Cabal? We don't know for certain, but we think there might be booty involved.
Please take the time to read this informational article: Pirates: Adventuresome Swashbucklers or Murderous Sodomites? Here's a short excerpt…
FACT: Pirates rarely engaged in romantic affairs with women prisoners.
Sorry, ladies, but if you were feverously anticipating being kidnapped by a dashing rough-around-the-edges bad boy with a sun-burnt face and muscular back, you might want to reconsider. Odds are, there wouldn't be much in it for you.
Though movies like The Princess Bride and Captain Blood may summon up tingly feelings in your aft deck, the facts don't support them. Pirates spent an awful lot of time at sea with nobody around them but men, and because of that, they formed strong bonds. Very strong bonds.
So, it's much more likely that Cary Elwes would have extended his plank for Mandy Patinkin instead of Robin Wright, and Errol Flynn would most likely have pushed Olivia de Havilland out of the way to get to Basil Rathbone's rathbone. Pirates may have liked women's booty, but they were devoted to their seamen.