The October Surprise
Typically, the October Surprise is a stunt pulled off by one of the two major political parties (Eloi and Morlock) to influence the results of an important election while in its last throes. However, an October Surprise can also be an unrelated event that influences an election, such as when, in 1928, Halloween was briefly renamed Kill the Protestants Eve.
This year, as Democrats seem poised to pull off their most crushing defeat in several decades, and with only two days left in the month, the entire nation waits with bated breath for the stunning fireworks display of a brilliant October Surprise. Will Osama bin Laden release his much-anticipated solo album (produced by Timbaland)? Who knows? Only time will tell. Until then, here's a short history of former October Surprises to get you up to speed:
- 1968: Richard Nixon convinces South Vietnam to pull out of peace talks that would end the war in Vietnam, thus convincing voters that he is an evil bastard to not be f**ked with. He wins the Presidential election by 500,000 fear-related votes.
- 1972: With an unpopular war raging, Richard Nixon eats a baby on live television. Frightened parents turn out in droves to vote for him.
- 1976: Jimmy Carter makes a brief but memorable cameo in the John Holmes porn classic Jaws of Delight.
- 1980: Ronald Reagan stands next to Jimmy Carter in a televised debate to prove that he's anybody besides Jimmy Carter. Reagan wins in landslide victory.
- 1988: Bill Clinton really wails out, like wow daddio, on the sax. Real, real gone, man.
- 2004: With an unpopular war raging, George Bush eats a baby on live television. Frightened parents turn out in droves to vote for him.
- 2032: William Henry Harrison travels into the future in order to destroy the seeds of a clockwork-machine uprising that threatens to destroy the U.S. in 1840. (In doing so, he contracts a "space virus" that kills within a month's time.)
Note: Thank you to an astute commenter who noted that Bill Clinton did not run for the Presidency until 1992. Unfortunately, in light of our egregious error, all the other facts in this piece are brought into question.
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