November 8, 2006 1:10 pm
comedy central insider
comedy central insider
Consider our pants officially peed.
The original SCOOP, served up by the COMEDY CENTRAL INSIDER BLOG, at 12:15 AM:
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"You bet, my goodness!!" Donald Rumsfeld’s Exclusive Last Interview with Donald Rumsfeld
Testimony before the Senate Armed Services Committee, August 3rd, 2006 in answer to a question from Sen. Hillary Clinton. Donald Rumsfeld: Are there still Taliban around? –You bet! Are they occupying safe haven in Afghanistan, correction, Pakistan or other places? –No doubt! Is the violence up? –Yes! Does the violence tend to be up in the Spring, Summer & Fall months? –Yes, it does. And it tends to decline during the winter period. Does that represent failed policy. –I don’t know, I would say not… Are there setbacks? –Yes. Are there things that people can’t anticipate? –Yes. Does the enemy have a brain… –You bet!
Here now is Secretary Of Defense Donald Rumsfeld's exclusive last interview with himself:
Donald Rumsfeld: Good morning! One of the biggest questions everyone is asking, of course, is did I think Secretary Rumsfeld should resign? –Simply stated. No, I did not. Do I think some people wanted me to go? –Of course. That’s understandable. Would it have helped if people better understood what I was doing if the media and Senators like Senator Clinton had asked better questions? –You bet, my goodness, yes! But does it matter who asks the questions? –Not at all. As you can see I’m perfectly capable of interviewing myself.
DR: Is this the normal way of proceeding? –Hardly. But what’s normal? These are extraordinary times. Extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures. It’s not necessary I get people to ask me softball questions. If I don’t like certain questions I ask my own. Do I always know the answers to those questions?
DR: Sure, yes, most of the time. I may appear to be flying by the seat of my pants, but I know what I’m about and what I’m likely to say. Have I ever surprised myself?
DR: Sure. Of course! That’s why I enjoy doing it. Nobody wants to hear an entirely canned interview. What’s the fun in that? To do this well you have to maintain a high degree of spontaneity. Does that mean I’m of two minds?
DR: Possibly. And do I think my talking this way might have influenced the President's decision? –Frankly, I don’t know. But for those of you who are wondering what I'll be doing with my time now, let me say I fully expect to be entirely engaged with the transition. There’s quite a lot Bob Gates needs to get up to speed. How long will that take?
DR: I don‚Äôt know, that depends on a number of factors: Mr. Gates aptitude, which I know to be great; the situation on the ground, which is touch and go; the recommendations of the Iraq Study Group, which the President will want me to weigh in on; and other things like how long it takes to clear away the matters on my desk… Might that take two years? ‚ÄìMy goodness grief, no! Don‚Äôt be ridiculous. Of course not. ‚ÄìLess than 18 months? Possibly, I don't want to box myself in. There's a lot to box up. I'll say this though, for that to happen one thing is certain, you‚Äôll have to stop pestering me with these endless questions.
DR: Now I know I'm going to be asked: Do I think I was given a fair shake by the media and my critics?
DR: Honestly? I'd rather not comment. That is, of course, I'd like to comment, but discretion suggests otherwise. And people have questioned my discretion. No matter how long and how completely and publicly I demonstrate my total mastery of every nuance and detail, both the sea of minutiae and the broad, overarching scheme of an issue, no matter how wide I range or particular I get to show my command of an issue, it seems to elude some people. So that continually, constantly and without cessation, they question my judgment. So, was I treated fairly? Well, I leave that to you to decide.
I remember reading that last night, and saying… man, that would be HILARIOUS if that happened. Stewart and Colbert better note this tonight!
nice "reporting"!