Last Laugh Week: The Year In Film

(In honor of Comedy Central's Last Laugh '06 Starring Lewis Black (premiering Sunday at 10p / 9c), we've asked our guest-blogger Kittenpants to go crazy on her favorite topics of 2006 every day this week. These are her stories.)

I Think I've Discovered the Winning Formula So, I found a list of the top grossing movies of 2006 so far. Of the top 50 films, I have seen 17. Seven of them I either saw for free, at a dollar cinema, or because I had already rented literally every other movie available at the store in my building. That leaves 10 that I saw because I wanted to. Of the 33 movies I did not see: * Nine are animated. * Five more have plots based on CGI/crazy makeup effects. * Eleven are sequels. * Only 1 has confirmed penguins but I suspect 3 others might. * Eight prominently feature vehicles. * One is about a magic mailbox. I've compiled these statistics and more to give you my proposals for the Top Grossing Movies I Won't Watch of 2007: 1. SAW 4: BLOODY FEET A penguin and a talking car are chained up in a small room. A sadistic clowny face tells them they will have to kill each other to survive. Marlon Wayans stars as "Fat Uncle Grandma!" 2. THE GUARDIAN OF THE CARRIBEAN A grizzly old pirate must retire from the business. He returns to Pirate Academy where the walls are lined with records of his achievements. But a sassy hedgehog (Robin Williams!) vows to become the number one pirate in boot camp. Will the two work together to save the world from a penguin invasion? Or will their differences destroy us all?!! 3. FINAL DESTINATION: TIM ALLEN Tim Allen morphs from District Attorney Dan Allen to Shaggy Dog Mr. Wiggles. Then he morphs into Santa Clause, a talking car, an upside down luxury liner, a baby criminal, a pink panther, a regular panther, then back to the dog. Then he turns into an undercover cop working for the mafia, then an undercover mob man working as a cop, then Johnny Knoxville's left nipple, a dancing penguin, and then back to District Attorney Dan Allen. If he doesn't commit murder/suicide within one week, I'll eat this magic mailbox.