Last Laugh Week: Things to Do
(In honor of Comedy Central's Last Laugh '06 Starring Lewis Black (premiering Sunday at 10p / 9c), we've asked our guest-blogger Kittenpants to go crazy on her favorite topics of 2006 every day this week. These are her stories.)
Your 2007 Things to Do Some people, like me, are listmakers. We write down things we need to do, things we want to do, and periodically revisit these lists and add or subtract items. Nothing is more satisfying than crossing an item off of your To Do list. (Well, not nothing. I mean, I bet if you find a half-starved classroom full of weary second graders and sick puppies and feed them all a big pasghetti dinner you'll feel a little better than if you write down "clean the bathroom," in a notebook and then cross it off a month later. But I digress…) I've studied the habits and hobbies, the wants and needs of the newsmakers and ass shakers of 2006 to come up with these imaginary and somewhat tasteless To Do lists. Enjoy! A Divorce Attorney's To Do List 1. Collect bet money from Tommy Lee 2. Send flowers to Reese 3. Send Thank You gift to Ryan 4. Invite Tom and Katie to dinner A Mortician's To Do List 1. Make an appointment with Dina Lohan 2. Send baby coffin catalog to Anna Nicole Smith 3. Ask Clay Aiken to return makeup kit An Orphan's To Do List: 1. Get mohawk, biker jacket 2. Buy ticket to 3rd world 3. Rub fly food in eyes 4. Avoid Madonna A Greek Shipping Heir's To Do List: 1. Paris Hilton 2. Lindsay Lohan 3. Mary Kate Olsen 4. Ashley Olsen/Nicky Hilton 5. Brandon Davis' mom A Closeted Republican's To Do List: 1. Vote against gay rights 2. Disable instant message logging 3. Work on MySpace profile 4. Dump the bodies A Jewish Hollywood Producer's To Do List: 1. Cancel Tequila Sunrise 2 pitch meeting 2. Greenlight new Seinfeld special: What is the Deal With Racism? 3. Cause all the wars in the world? A Comedy Blogger's To Do List: 1. Send Thank You note to Scientology 2. Take cheap shots at Stephen Dorff 3. DO NOT TAUNT JARED LETO 4. Keep day job 5. End with a joke from 1989. Joe Clark's To Do List: 1. Stay black 2. Die Kittenpants is a professional giver of things to do, as you can see on her grillion-dollar-idea website, THINGS TO DO: 77 CENTS.
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