Matt Tobey
Friday's post about amateur Daily Show erotica
sparked a bit of a cyber-riot in the comments section. But that didn't quell our interest in bizarre sexual fan-fic in the least. In fact, our affection for the storytelling genre has since grown from 8 inches to a full 10, particularly after stumbling upon some dirty ALF fan-fic. It's some X-rated stuff to be sure, but to whet your appetite, here's an excerpt censored using Val Kilmer film titles in place of the naughty words:
"Lynne? Lynne, was that you? Have you seen the chip dip, Lynne?" Alf came around the corner and stopped dead as he watched the young teenager in the throws of [Kiss Kiss Bang Bang]. Beside the bed, lay the overturned chip dip bowl.
"Oh no, Lynne! You didn't eat all that chip dip did you?!?"
"Alf! Oh god Alf. You shouldn't see me like this. But, I can't … I can't stop. This feels so good!"
"You ate the chip dip, didn't you Lynne?"
"Yes ….
.. I ate the dip. Oh yes," she sobbed as she peaked from another [Batman Forever].
"So, so what?"
"And now you're in the midst of a [The Ghost and the Darkness], aren't you!"
"For [The Island of Dr. Moreau]'s sake, stop being so analytical. That's right! So… so what!"
"Well, Lynne, that dip contained some of my, how shall we say it delicately, my Melmakian [At First Sight] …"
"You [Real Genius]ed off in the chip dip?!?"
"Not exactly. But the thing is, Lynne honey, that stuff is highly addictive to human females!"
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blah blah blah nerds blah blah blah homophobia blah blah comedy central is mean blah blah blah blah alf is hot!
everyone should be ashamed of themselves for some reason or other.