Chewbacca Loves R2-D2: Star Wars Slash Fiction

What happens you take a lonely Wookiee and a very obliging R2 unit and put them together, alone, on a romantic forest night? Find out in our original piece of Star Wars fan fiction, Endor Moon…

Nights on Endor's moon can get quite cold. And lonely.

Chewbacca lay on his side in a small limb-fixed hut that was meant to sleep three Ewoks comfortably. For him, it was little more than a box. Or a coffin. When the great Wookiee closed his eyes, his mind was flooded with memories. Painful memories. The fur that limned his eyes grew damp with regret.

By all rights, he should have been happy. He'd fought valiantly with the Rebel Alliance. He and his partner Han had played key roles in the destruction of the Death Star. And as he watched the fantastic explosion in the sky over the forest moon of Endor, only one thought dominated his brain: now, maybe now, he could be happy. Apparently not.

The giant Wookiee twisted his spine and tried to find some comfortable position, kicking over a small table in the process. A clay tumbler fell to the floor and rolled out into the Endor night. Chewbacca heard it smash to pieces on the ground far below. Part of the problem was this forest moon. When he'd first arrived with the small rebel ground unit, a thrill rippled along his thick fur. Home. It felt like home. This moon, with its dense flora and tree-bound villages, was remarkably similar to his beloved planet of Kashyyyk. But, in time, he found that it was too much like home. Too much like home to not be home. Around every tree he expected to find Mallatobuck, his childhood lover and forsaken wife, combing gnat beetles from the lustrously long hair of her back. Long and lonely had been the days since the Galactic Empire forced his exile, and this verdant moon was a painful reminder.

Almost without realizing his own actions, Chewbacca was up. Pushing his way out the door and leaping. Leaping like in his youth, from tree limb to tree limb. The cool wind blowing through his hair. One damaged branch snapped under his weight. And he was falling. In that moment of weightlessness, he found some relief.

Maybe it was the heady danaru brew the Alliance ships had unloaded for the celebration that was getting to his head. Maybe it was all the needless death and cruelty, but when he hit the ground, he came up quickly and angrily. He tore away at brush, ripping full bushes up by their roots. He threw them and reached for more. Like a madclaw, he ripped and tore a path through the forest. Howling curses at the starry sky. The emotion was suddenly too much for his heart; he dropped to his knees, beat the soil momentarily, and sat breathing loudly. He looked down and found his long red erection pushing out from his fur. Staring up at him. He reached down to touch it with a single extended claw.

At his back, he heard a rustling, a whirring. R2-D2 was rolling down the path that he had torn.

"Beep beep boo boop. Whirr?" But Chewbacca was in no mood for the astromech droid's pleasantries.

"Huwaa muaa mumwa," Chewbacca said.

"Bee doo doo boot?" R2-D2 asked. He rolled forward slowly and retracted his back wheel.

By now, Chewbacca was more embarrassed than angry or sad. He just wanted the droid to roll away so he could stand up. "Rhaaaauuuuurr," he said. After a moments thought, he quietly added, "Hhuaaawaaa rhoor hooowwwrrrll…"

"Eeee doo boo," R2 said. "Eeee doo boo weet."

So, Chewbacca stood up and turned around, his Wookieehood visible to the droid's photo receptor. For a moment, neither of them did or said anything. Then Chewbacca closed his eyes and reached out to stroke R2's domed headpiece shell. So smooth. So round. So functional. A piece of beautifully simple engineering. If droids governed the galaxy, there would be no wars. No slavery. Everything would run smoothly and efficiently, like a well-tuned YT-1300 light freighter. "Hrooaarr," Chewbacca whispered.

R2 remained quiet and still. Then he opened a compartment on his chest and extended one thin electric pike to the tip of the Wookiee member. Chewbacca winced slightly at its sharpness. And then his body pulsed with electricity. It ran through his chest and his limbs. It filled him with a warm nothingness. A gentle void. And he became more and more full with nothing until his large hairy body could not hold all the emptiness anymore.

A long stream of what adolescent Wookiees call gwarr arced over the head of the droid and landed in the brush.

R2's head spun to watch it fall. "Whirr doo beep!" the droid exclaimed.

Chewbacca mused on R2's words. Whirr doo beep, he thought. Whirr doo beep, indeed.