College Comedy Magazines – Crime In The Lesser Degree

(Each Friday, David Maize shares his favorite feature of a college humor magazine.)

After a week of high-profile crimes in New York, I'm starting to think people need to be reminded of what's illegal. This week the crew at The Columbia Jester lays down the law:

Sixth-Degree Perjury:
Casually announcing to your common-law spouse that you spent last night watching Court TV with a glass of Ernest and Julio Gallo Hearty Burgundy, when in fact you were watching phone sex commercials while drinking Malibu Caribbean Rum with Natural Coconut Flavor.

Third-Degree Breaking And Entering:
Building a life-size replica of someone else’s house, painstakingly recreating every detail of the architecture and interior decorating, and subsequently breaking into it under the cover of night and stealing all the duplicate valuables.

Ninth-Degree Car Theft:
Putting a car on blocks, hotwiring the engine, and letting it run until the mile marker is about to change to the next mile.

Eighth-Degree Murder:
After unsuccessfully trying to revive a heart attack victim for thirty minutes, giving up and shooting him when unable to bring him back to life.

Read the rest here.