Daily Show Writers: Are You Being Seized?
From the writers of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart…
Usually, when Iran surprises the world, it involves the delightful treat of enriched uranium and a nuclear-capable missile. It's the gift that keeps on giving night terrors.
But last week, Iran had a different surprise in store, releasing 15 British sailors captured two weeks earlier after being accused of trespassing in Iranian waters. Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad called the gesture an "Easter gift," a sentiment underscored by the captives' return in a basket surrounded by fake grass and marshmallow peeps.
The situation poses a bit of a sticky wicket for the British, as before release, the sailors were forced the write letters condemning the West's foreign policy. One even stated on Iranian TV, quote, "I'd like to apologize for entering your waters without any permission. I know it happened back in 2004 and our government promised it wouldn't happen again, and again I deeply apologize for entering your waters." This marks the most vehement apology for "water-entering" since high school sophomore Doug Hinkle slept with his town sheriff's 16-year-old daughter.
To make matters more embarrassing to the British, video showed the sailors enjoying games of chess and ping-pong while they were captive.
Though it should be noted, the ping-pong table is tremendous torture for those who "got next."
British naval officer Faye Turney best summed up the ordeal as, "There were times when it got a bit much. And when I thought of my family and what they must be going through, that was the hardest part." She continued, "Like, how they don't even have table tennis back at home, and must make do with knock-hockey. It honestly breaks my heart."
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