Hilariously Horrible Movie Reviews

It might just be because I saw LOTRFOTR two days ago, but man oh man, this review of Return of the King totally floored me.

Apparently this guy-who's-gotta-be-a-character, Neil Cumpston, reviews movies semi-regularly for Ain't It Cool News, including 300:

My final analysis is 300 the most ass-ruling movie I’ve seen this year, and will probably be the King of 2007 unless someone makes a movie where a pair of sentient boobs fights a werewolf.

And Grindhouse:

First 300 and now this? I think the summer of 2007 just went, “Hey, let me take you to a free taquito buffet” and you eat all these taquitos and then the summer goes, “Here comes a foot to your stomach”, but you go, “It’s full of taquitos” but it’s too late – there’s a boot in your stomach only the boot is really a motorcycle and you puke up a bikini girl who blows you and then kills your boss with a hammer. That’s what GRINDHOUSE is.

via kottke