Over on his MySpace blog, Patton Oswalt has a cantankerous account of his first and last visit to a so-called "gifting suite:"
While I was waiting for the
SUV to take me back to my car, I got waylaid by one of the producers of
MTV's PIMP MY RIDE. You know what a pimp is, right? He's a dude who
tricks, frightens, or flat-out bullies a woman to f*ck other men for
money, which she then gives to him. Just wanted to clear that up. 'Cuz
there's a show called PIMP MY RIDE. Maybe they can do another show
called RAPE MY CRIB.
Anyway, the producer was showing me some
of the cool cars from the show, which they had in the house's massive
garage. And by the way, this was not a house that people lived in,
raised families, hosted friends, built memories. This was a sprawling,
unwelcoming residence that was rented out for brainless rap videos, or
shitty TV shows where they needed a remorseful but sexy drug dealer's
pad, or equally worthless stuff. You get to see a lot of Shot-Dressed
A**holes as background extras in these.
So he was showing me a
"party van" they'd outfitted, with an extendable wheels of steel and
mini-bar. It was kind of nice. Wow, someone had actually, you know,
CREATED something. Had used skill and talent to craft something kind of
new. My heart warmed for a moment.
"Yeah, we had this thing at
a Ja Rule record release party, and we hired a f*ckin' midget to serve
drinks out of the side. And this one b*tch…"
But I couldn't
hear him anymore. My heart had snapped shut. Even the few good things
in this world were always turned towards ugliness.
To read the rest and learn what "shot-dressed" means, click here.