Daily Show Writers: Ripped from the Arrowheads
From the writers of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart…
Iraq got a bit of good news over the weekend. According to Foreign Policy magazine's annual survey of failed states, it's moved up to become number two on their list of the most unstable countries in the world, after Sudan. And while it would have been nice to be number one, Iraq can take some comfort in the fact that, for three out of the past four years, it's topped Money magazine's list of "Absolute worst Sh*tholes in Which to Live". They would've gone four for four, but Akron in '05 was pretty unbeatable.
The offensive in Iraq comes just as the final brigade of American soldiers arrives to complete the so-called "surge." So for all the newbies in Iraq, this major multi-front ground offensive can be seen as kind of an "icebreaker." A "getting-to-know-you" street battle, if you will.
American forces are moving aggressively to bring stability to Iraq, with their latest offensive being a concerted attack on al-Qaeda subsects in Baquba, the capital of the Diyala province. God, I remember as a kid, having to memorize the capitals of all the Iraqi provinces along with their flags, mottos, flowers, and main products. I believe Diyala's were "oil" and "sorrow". It's easy to remember, because those are also the main products of all the other provinces.
With any military initiative in Iraq, there's always one major question: What're we going to call it? When it comes to the name for an operation, it's gotta convey strength and resolve, but without seeming too over-the-top or crazy. With that in mind, it comes as a surprise that officials went with the title, Operation Arrowhead Ripper. the name begs the question, when, exactly, did we outsource our military operation-naming to the WWE?
NBC's Tim Russert asked the US ambassador in Iraq to explain the military's shift in attention to regions outside Baghdad and the Anbar province, noting, "Isn't it the equivalent of playing whack-a-mole? You whack them one place, and put your troops in, and they go to another area." Apparently, Russert's either not pulling any punches, or he just ate at Chuck E. Cheese. And I'll tell you — that's a man you don't want to run into in a crowded ball pit. He gets way too into it.
As for the specific objective of the current mole-whacking, troops are making their way south to target the "car bomb and suicide bomb factories" supposedly located in the area. That's right, they are targeting the "car bomb" and "suicide bomb" factories. You know it's kind of sad to think back to when Detroit was the capital of car bomb manufacturing. These days, you can't even find a car bomb that was made in the USA.
Comments