Stephen Colbert's Life Coaching Wisdom

On last night's episode of The Simpsons, Stephen played Colby the Life Coach. We've taken the liberty of transcribing Colby's collected wisdom (spoiler alert!):

"The first step in self-improvement is to take a thorough look at your life."

"Homer, before you even head out the door in the morning, you're already a loser."

"Remember the N.D.C.s of concentration: 'Never Don't Concentrate."

"What we have to do is figure out a way to make "Bowling-Alley Homer" into "Everyday Homer."

"To make sure you're motivated to get this job, you have to quit your old one!"

"Look Homer, I don't know about planes but I know about you. You have what made America great: no understanding of the limits of your power and a complete lack of concern for what anyone thinks of you! So you'll land that plane and do you know why? Because I heard some guy say you couldn't."

Earlier: A Sneak Peek of Stephen on The Simpsons (with an interview)