Matt Tobey
You can feel the anticipation in the air. A giddy eagerness is bringing smiles to faces the world over. That's right, it's only one week until the release of Stephen Colbert's new book I Am America (And So Can You!) Now that we're in the home-stretch, the wait is going to become increasingly agonizing of course. Luckily there are some ways to spend the final days to make the experience more bearable:
Day 1: Give back to the community by giving half-priced shiatsu massages to local homeless people.
Day 2: Meditate in a warm bath of marmalade.
Day 3: Translate the care-instructions on all of your clothes labels into Esperanto. Jot them down in a journal. Burn the pages. Snort the ashes. Sleep the rest of the day. Warning: When you dream, you will see your own death.
Day 4: Fast.
Day 5: Hunt, kill, cook and eat a bald eagle. Glaze with the nicely-aged marmalade from Day 2.
Day 6: Humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings.
Day 7: Read all of your current favorite books while they're still relevant.
Previously: Identity Swapping – Colbert's Vanity Fair Interview
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is this guy funny?
ummmmm, mybe 5 years ago….. now S-T-A-L-E!
And here's a little help for Day 3, if you can't locate that Esperanto dictionary:
Hand wash separately in cold water – Lavu aparte kaj permane en malvarma akvo
Dry flat – Sekigu sur plata surfaco
Do not bleach – Ne uzu lesivon
Iron at low temperature, if needed – Gladu laubezone je malalta temperaturo
If you can't figure out how to pronounce it, a few minutes with Radio Polonia:
http://www.polskieradio.pl/eo/
should get you on the right track!
By the way, don't try to burn the pages indoors, unless you're really after some excitement.
And here's a little help for Day 3, if you can't locate that Esperanto dictionary:
Hand wash separately in cold water – Lavu aparte kaj permane en malvarma akvo
Dry flat – Sekigu sur plata surfaco
Do not bleach – Ne uzu lesivon
Iron at low temperature, if needed – Gladu laubezone je malalta temperaturo
If you can't figure out how to pronounce it, a few minutes with Radio Polonia:
http://www.polskieradio.pl/eo/
should get you on the right track!
By the way, don't try to burn the pages indoors, unless you're really after some excitement.