I Am America (And So Can You!) Release Countdown
You can feel the anticipation in the air. A giddy eagerness is bringing smiles to faces the world over. That's right, it's only one week until the release of Stephen Colbert's new book I Am America (And So Can You!) Now that we're in the home-stretch, the wait is going to become increasingly agonizing of course. Luckily there are some ways to spend the final days to make the experience more bearable:
Day 1: Give back to the community by giving half-priced shiatsu massages to local homeless people.
Day 2: Meditate in a warm bath of marmalade.
Day 3: Translate the care-instructions on all of your clothes labels into Esperanto. Jot them down in a journal. Burn the pages. Snort the ashes. Sleep the rest of the day. Warning: When you dream, you will see your own death.
Day 4: Fast.
Day 5: Hunt, kill, cook and eat a bald eagle. Glaze with the nicely-aged marmalade from Day 2.
Day 6: Humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings.
Day 7: Read all of your current favorite books while they're still relevant.
Previously: Identity Swapping – Colbert's Vanity Fair Interview
Comments