Neil Hamburger Discusses Country Music, Despair

Neil Hamburger has never been one of America's most loved comedians. In fact, he may very well be its worst. With a stable of jokes staler than five-week old rye that can only be described by metaphors staler than a six-week old Portuguese roll, Hamburger has cornered the market on pissing off his audience. And pissed off they will be when they discover that his latest album, "Neil Hamburger Sings Country Winners," is not comedy at all, but a collection of country music duds written by Hamburger and others. We sat down with Neil today to talk about his music career, self-medicating during the bad times and signing the worst contract ever drawn up.

Comedy Central Insider: What made you decide to throw yourself into country music?

Neil Hamburger: Well, you know, I've done so many albums — so, so many albums — that why not do something a little bit different? A lot of the great personalities have made albums. Telly Savalus made a series of albums, Leonard Nimoy, William Shatner — a lot of the singing celebrity albums are very popular. Even Jack Webb made an album of songs. So it wasn't so much that we were going with country per say, it was that we were going with one of these personality type of albums where a bunch of songs are written to cater to the particular fans that I might have.

CCI: As a comedian, was music a big step for you, or was it easy to make the transition?

NH: You know, I'm not Pavarotti here.  Definitely, it's a problem. I would not recommend that most comedians make singing albums. But we had had a couple of songs on other albums just as filler, so we decided just to stretch that out just a little bit further with an entire album when these great musicians became available and were interested in taking part in this project.

More after the jump…

CCI: Who do you have in your band?

NH: Who don't we have is really the question. We've got them
all — all of the top players that are currently working. We've got
Prairie Prince from The Tubes. He is really known as one of the great
drummers of all time. If you do a search on the Internet, this guy has
played with everyone from George Harrison all the way to Todd Rundgren
and he's playing on my goddamn record, so go figure. And then we've got
Dave Gleason who is a big mover and shaker in what they call cosmic
country western and we've got Joe Goldmark who is the best pedal steel
player on the west coast and Rachel Haden who's a singer who you may
have heard with The Rentals and Weezer — she's done a lot of things –
and of course, Atom Ellis who played with Link Wray and Dieselhead,
he's playing the bass. I could not ask for better people. Why they
tolerate my inept singing is beyond me.

CCI: The video you released online, "Jug Town," is a story
about an absentee father who drinks his life away at a bar. Why that
song? Is it autobiographical?

NH: It's actually one of the few that wasn't written
specifically for this project. That one was found in a trash can on a
record by a group called The New Kingston Trio, not the Kingston Trio,
but The New Kingston Trio. This record was found in the trash and it
really didn't belong there, 'cause I'll tell you, it's a sensational
song. You don't hear too many songs that justify the alcoholic
lifestyle in the way that this one does. It was actually written by
Billy Ed Wheeler, who's a great country songwriter. He wrote "Coward of
the County," "Jackson" and a lot of other big hits in the past. So we
felt very excited to do that number.

CCI: There's a line in the song, "Jug Town wine was filled with dreams." What kind of dreams?

NH: I think a lot of us, I don't know about you, but a lot of
us who's careers aren't what we want them to be and whose personal
lives are a complete wreck, when you drive 700 miles a day for over 15
years as I have, you've got claw fingers and all kinds of ailments,
decaying muscular structure and an overwhelming fatigue and depression
and misery and then you get out and you do these shows where half the
people in the club are souped up on who knows what to foget their
problems — so many emotional problems, you know, amongst my fan base
–  and so, let's face it, what better way to self-medicate than with a
cheap, three or four dollar jug of wine. That can really set your
dreams in motion. A lot of us have so much misery, hatred, bitterness
and despair that it's hard to just sit back and relax and daydream.
That's where this Jug Town wine comes in.

CCI: A reviewer for Time Out: Chicago called the album, "the return of sad Neil." Do you think that's accurate?

NH: We've been all over the map with these records, because
you don't want to do the same record over and over like so many of
these assholes do. A lot of these guys, they'll put a tape recorder in
the floor and record the first show and that's their album. But we've
tried to do thins a little differently. We did one album where we were
in Malaysia, and I did one album where I was opening for Tenacious D
before a hostile crowd and we've got all kinds of booing and that sort
of thing. But what was the question?

CCI: Do you think there's a sense of despair about the album?

NH: Oh yeah, yeah. There is. But there is all the time
anyway, because of some of the bad career choices I've made. When I was
a young comedian, immediately it started out sad, because I signed up
with a talent agency that I found through an ad in The National
Enquirer — right underneath the ad where you get a dollar each for
stuffing envelopes — right under that was an ad that said, "Let your
show business dreams come true. Send one dollar and a self-addressed
stamped envelope." Well, I did, and these guys sent me this contract
claiming they could book me in nightclubs all over the world. And I'll
tell you — they have, but it's the worst contract anyone's ever seen.
It's a nightmare, and I'm locked into it through 2029. And I owe these
guys tens of thousands of dollars because the fees that they charge
exceed the amount of money that is paid by the venues. You see how they
worked that one out? So the more I play, the further into debt I go.

CCI: Do you expect the album to sell well and offset any of that debt?

NH: No, we don't. We don't, really, because people don't buy
these albums. I'm sure you know, if you're in the business, they find a
way to steal it. Now, if I go into Arby's and steal one of those
sandwiches I'm gonna spend 30 years in jail. Not that I would steal one
of the sandwiches, because they're horrible. But these guys, you know,
they'll come up to me and say, "Neil, I'm the biggest fan you've ever
had. I've got all 20 of your releases. Would you sign them for me?" And
I say, "Sure, I'd be happy to." And they pull out one of those little
flash drives and say, "Yeah, I downloaded them all! They're on this
little flash drive. I didn't pay a penny! Would you sign the flash
drive for me?" So that's the kind of crowd we're dealing with when
we're not dealing with the sickes and some of the perverts and that
whole scene.

CCI: If comedy and music are your two passions, what unites them for you? Or are they totally separate in your
mind?

NH: It's all about entertaining people, that's what it is.
And whatever you can use to do it. You look at all the song and dance
men of the old eras — George Burns would do a song or tell a joke or
do whatever it takes to get a laugh. Nowadays you've got the same
thing. You've got these bands that come out, and they'll do a few
songs, and then they'll shit into a plate or shoot themselves up under
their fingernails with a syringe filled with heroin, you know, anything
to entertain the crowd. Now, that's not my scene. I'm more in the old
school, the Bob Hope sort of category, except with a lot more of these
sewer sorts of jokes. But I think if you can sing a song and keep
people from thinking about their horrible, horrible, horrible lives for
three minutes, then sing the song. And if you can tell a joke and
distract them from all the awful problems that are raining down on
them, then tell that joke. Tell that story. Do whatever you can to
distract these people from going straight down the drain, because the
suicide rate is so high.

Watch the "Jug Town" music video: