Dr. Badgig or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love to Bomb
It's a well-known fact that for every killing show before an appreciative audience, the average stand-up comic must endure an equal or greater number of truly awful gigs. The Asbury Park Press asked a gaggle of comedians from the famous to the, uh, undiscovered, for their tales of the absolute worst of the worst. For example:
JACKIE "THE JOKE MAN" MARTLING: I did a show in 1986 at The Ringling
Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus Training Camp in Sarasota, Florida.
I did a show for 200 midgets. I got a standing ovation and I didn't
even know it.
They don't call him "THE JOKE MAN" for nothing!
Anywho, it's an interesting read–Dave Attell has probably the best line, saying, "I've had some bottles thrown at me and guys who wanted to kick my ass. I do not think that happens in the Ice Capades"–but I don't think any of the comedians' horror stories quite live up to some of the disastrous gig experiences I've had, such as:
- Accidentally running on stage in my Al Jolson getup at David Duke's birthday party
- Doing my "What is the deal with polygamy?" bit at the polygamy compound and barely escaping alive with my three new underage brides
- Learning that Comedy = Tragedy + Time, except at the VA Hospital, where Comedy = Tragedy + Time + a comic beaten to a pulp with a prosthetic leg
- Learning that although there is nothing more valuable than the ability to laugh at oneself, Russell Crowe finds laughing at an unconscious comedian in a trash can a close second
- Bombing at a bar in Middle Earth and being cast into the chasm of eternal flame after making fun of a drunken wizard's dorky hat
- Telling the one about the nebbish, the shiksa, and the fakakta rabbi at a Hamas picnic
- Accidentally running on stage in my Al Sharpton getup at Al Sharpton's birthday party
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