G. Xavier Robillard
As we remember George Carlin we decided that we should honor him with some of our favorite quotes. But before that, we'll check into Snopes.com to look at some fucking bullshit he never, ever said, but people thought he did.
"President Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use.
The best way to stop Using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down."
[Not] George on Being A Bad American
"I like big cars, big cigars and naturally big racks. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies. I don't care about appearing compassionate. I think playing with guns doesn't make you a killer. I believe its called the Boy Scouts for a reason. I think I'm better than the homeless."
[Not] George Waxing Philosophical
"We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom."
You can read some things he actually said after the jump.
Here are some legitimate quotes (at least according to the QuoteDB and Esquire):
"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."
"The first thing they teach kids is that there's a God — an invisible man in the sky who is watching what they do and who is displeased with some of it. There's no mystery why they start that with kids, because if you can get someone to believe that, you can add on anything you want."
"I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
"Lenny Bruce opened all the doors, and people like Richard Pryor and I were able to walk through them."
"Censorship that comes from the outside assumes about people an inability to make reasoned choices."
"If there's ever a golden age of mankind, it will not include men over two hundred pounds beating children who are less than one hundred pounds, and it will not include the deliberate killing of people in a formal setting."
Finally, some things he probably said:
"Please pass the boysenberry syrup."
"This cake is really delicious."
"Dude, it's spent."
"Is there an ATM around here?"
"I never said that. Maybe it was Kurt Vonnegut."
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I remember watching George for the first time in his video "jammin' in New York" July 4th, 1995, right after I graduated High school. I felt as though I needed to go back to school to teach them that all they believed was a load of crap! What a great treacher you were and I hope that Joe Pesci will forever bless you my friend! You are an inspiration to us all to be smart asses but yet state the truth about life as we see it.
And when he arrives in heaven: GOD will give him his seat back. Rest Well G.C. for you have earned it. You were the DOGMA in life so in death you AMGOD. With you gone CATHOLISISM will never be the same. REST EASY MY OLD FRIEND FOR YOU WILL NEVER BE REPLACED. Your friend in life and death….NOEL.B
I'm so torn by George's passing, I still haven't made my peace with it. As someone who only knew him by his professional works & not personally, I'm surprised at the depth of my sorrow. I am such a student of his observations & critiques on American society, I guess I just expected him to always be there. Stupid, I know.
There is also the side of me who, having taken so much of his work to heart, feels that mourning him is somehow disrespectful of his outlook on life & death. As if by my mourning, I'm not paying attention to his message "the Big Electron doesn't judge, punish, or reward. I just Is, & so are we…for a little while."
Keep my friend safe, Joe Peci…& toss a frisbee on the roof for me.
Kent
Sorry daringtexan, don't think he'll be cracking up god, as he doesn't exist. This is what George Carlin and many other rational people believe.
comedians should rule the planet
comedians of the world unite
i think daringtexan is confusing george with cheech and chong – they were the ones who came up with sister mary elephant.
RIP George, we love you!
I couldn't believe it when i was told. He made me laugh so much. This sucks. he was so NINJA!!!!
I hate myself for not being able to see his last show here in AL; I told myself the guy was going to die soon, just never had the time.
And now I hate to think of those next times where I'll never have the time to do things I myself deserve.
Fuck.
to the person who previously posted a comment:
the last line of what you said
is so against george carlin
if you watched "it ain't good for ya"
you'd recall a part where he talks about how stupid it is of people to say things like "now he's smiling down on us from heaven"
:=( I liked his weather report during his first appearance on Johnny Carson. Had several of his comedy albums-my favorite was Sister Mary Elephant. Now he's cracking up God. I'm jealous.
:=( I liked his weather report during his first appearance on Johnny Carson. Had several of his comedy albums-my favorite was Sister Mary Elephant. Now he's cracking up God. I'm jealous.