George Carlin Quotes: Real, Fake and Likely
As we remember George Carlin we decided that we should honor him with some of our favorite quotes. But before that, we'll check into Snopes.com to look at some fucking bullshit he never, ever said, but people thought he did.
"President Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use.
The best way to stop Using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down."
[Not] George on Being A Bad American
"I like big cars, big cigars and naturally big racks. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies. I don't care about appearing compassionate. I think playing with guns doesn't make you a killer. I believe its called the Boy Scouts for a reason. I think I'm better than the homeless."
[Not] George Waxing Philosophical
"We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom."
You can read some things he actually said after the jump.
Here are some legitimate quotes (at least according to the QuoteDB and Esquire):
"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."
"The first thing they teach kids is that there's a God — an invisible man in the sky who is watching what they do and who is displeased with some of it. There's no mystery why they start that with kids, because if you can get someone to believe that, you can add on anything you want."
"I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
"Lenny Bruce opened all the doors, and people like Richard Pryor and I were able to walk through them."
"Censorship that comes from the outside assumes about people an inability to make reasoned choices."
"If there's ever a golden age of mankind, it will not include men over two hundred pounds beating children who are less than one hundred pounds, and it will not include the deliberate killing of people in a formal setting."
Finally, some things he probably said:
"Please pass the boysenberry syrup."
"This cake is really delicious."
"Dude, it's spent."
"Is there an ATM around here?"
"I never said that. Maybe it was Kurt Vonnegut."
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