This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse: John McCain's Joke
From Indecision 2008…
Sometimes it seems like everything we hear from our politicians
fills us with existential despair — and that‚Äôs just the Obama
campaign. But as I show in my new book Apocalypse How, the hastening end-times shouldn't be grounds for pessimism. Rather, we can choose to look at our soon-to-be-ended-world as half-unf@%#ed,
teeming with time, opportunities, and most likely, cockroaches.
Protein-rich, delightfully crunchy cockroaches. See? It's all in how
you look at it through the jaggedly carved eyehole in your bunker. So
take a load off, put a smile on (and ideally, some combination of lead
and Kevlar), and enjoy this harbinger of your exciting new life to come:
SIGN: John McCain jokes that increased U.S. exports of cigarettes to Iran "[might be] a way of killing them."
WHY THAT'S A SIGN: With "Operation Enduring Wet
Cough" officially revealed, Iran stops all cigarette imports, making it
seem less "cool" — and therefore even more desperate to unleash its
nuclear program.
WHAT TO EXPECT: Since the rest of the world is now
radioactive, Iran is permanently out of cigarettes. Iranians put on
hundreds of pounds. Ahmadinejad forced to have his trademark "leisure
suit" altered over and over again.
WHY THAT'S GREAT NEWS: With no one left to sell oil to, the primary mode of transportation is ecologically clean-burning flying carpets.
Also…
Iran Rehearses for Third World War
John McCain and Barack Obama on How Best to Destroy the Iranian Threat
The Daily Show Indecision Retrospective: Let's Go Bomb Iran
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