Theo Von's Reality Bites Back Blog

When I hear that we are going to have to "woo" the affections of a famed temptress on Shock of Love, I'm worried. I can’t even "get any" from myself (that's right, I can't even get myself to let myself masturbate myself), so how am I going to "woo" a popular hottie?? Well, when I see that Lunelle (Borat’s girlfriend), who resembles a Galapagos that just got its hair done, slide down the staircase, I realize that the best thing I can do to get her to love me is to brush my teeth with BBQ sauce, and smile near her nose. Who wouldn’t love a sweet lil BBQ cracker like myself?

Our first chance to impress her is for us to eat fish off of her. I don’t have anything against fish, but I don’t like it off of a varicose plate. So I try my best, but I lose out to Mo Mandel and Tiffany Haddish. Mo won, because he has no game, and I think Lunelle wants to teach him to be her evil white coochie devil. Tiffany won because Lunelle liked the smell of the banana lotion on her skin.

Our next competition is stuffing Lunelle’s face with snacks from a wading pool. I remember being very young and being in a wading pool, and I never ate the brown snacks floating in there. However, Lunelle wants these snacks, so we throw them down her gorch.

In the end I beat out a man over the age of forty and a girl, to make it into a bathtub with Lunelle. The whole time in the tub I can't stop laughing and crying and peeing in the water. OH WHAT A NIGHT!! Lunelle actually got upset with Bert for trying to be a control freak in the tub. That's what had me laughing. The crying and peeing were from the oil left on top of the water from Lunelle's vaj.

Thankfully for this episode I'm safe, but who knows what's next on this whacky improv spoof fake reality ordeal time game show.

Previously: Red Grant's Reality Bites Back Blog

Related: Reality Bites Back Official Site