7 Actors Who Should Play Bill Hicks

Yesterday it was reported that Russell Crowe might star in a biopic of the late, great stand-up Bill Hicks. Now, the last thing we want to do is make Russell Crowe angry, but I can't help but think there are some actors who might be better suited for the role. Plus, wasn't he already supposed to play Moe Howard? Two legendary dead comedians? Save some for the fish, Mr. Crowe. Anyway, here are our casting suggestions:

7. Kevin Spacey

Pros: He's an Oscar winner and has proven his comedy chops on SNL.

Cons: Pretty much everything he's done this decade. Also, his biopic track-record consists of Beyond the Sea, though I admit it was hilarious.

6. Paul Giamatti

Pros: He's great in everything he does, even when it's horseshit about mermaids. Definitely knows how to play a cynic.
Cons: Already played Bob Zmuda in Man on the Moon, and even Harvey Pekar is a little too Hicks-esque for this to not feel like well-worn territory for him. Not to mention John "Colonial Bill Hicks" Adams.

5. David Duchovny

Pros: Looks the part. Turned in one of the funniest performances of the 90s as himself on Larry Sanders. His character on Californication is kind of a wannabe Bill Hicks with training wheels.
Cons: Has yet to prove himself as a heavy-hitting dramatic actor. Requisite aliens and werewolves in the movie would distract from the central story.

4. Jack Black

Pros: Has a strong comedic background but also has dramatic chops. Heat Vision and Jack was technically already a Bill Hicks biopic.
Cons: Not sure if he can completely shed his Jack Blackiness and lose himself in the character. Though, this would be a great opportunity to try.

3. Cate Blanchett

Pros: If she can effectively pull off both Bob Dylan and Elizabeth I, she can pull off goddamn anyone.
Cons: She's extremely pretty, which would make listening to Rant in E Minor a troubling experience for my wiener.

2. Robert Downey Jr.

Pros: Like Hicks, has a strong familiarity with drugs. Basically, anyone from Tropic Thunder would work: Ben Stiller, Tom Cruise, Nick Nolte, that little stabby kid…
Cons: Might prevent him from having time to do Iron Man II and The Pick-Up Artist IV.

1. Phillip Seymour Hoffman

Pros:He looks the part and could do the movie in his sleep. In fact, he's sleeping right now and playing Bill Hicks. By the time you finish reading this sentence, he'll have already won four Oscars for what Kenneth Turan called, "Holy shit! Never in my life have–[BRAIN ANEURYSM]"
Cons: Nothing. He's perfect. Game over.