Turn Your Self-Hatred into Sexual Prowess!
Contrary to what that guy who sells vitamins at the mall would have you believe, a new study has shown that women actually respond better to men who insult themselves. According to researcher Gil Greengross:
Many studies show that a sense of humour is sexually attractive to women but we've found that self-deprecating humour is the most attractive of all. People who used this humour were considered to be far more desirable as mates.
However, Greengross noted,
It is a risky form of humour because it can draw attention to one's real faults, thereby diminishing the self-deprecator's status in the eyes of others. Think about the secondary school child whom nobody liked, who makes fun of his shortcomings. His peers mocked him and he was considered more pathetic than he was previously.
Yes, I remember that poor pathetic schoolchild well. What was his name? Gil Green-something? It'll come to me.
But in case you're brave enough to walk that high-wire of seduction-by-self-deprecation, we've compiled the following list of lines which should get those lovely ladies out of your dreams and into your shitty, shitty car:
- Baby, you're so beautiful, you make me want to cry. Like I do every night. About what a failure I am.
- So what is it that turns you on the most about me, darling? Is it my hairpiece? The dentures? The girdle? My hunchback? My prosthetic penis? Or do you just like a man with confidence?
- Sweetheart, you are as gorgeous as I am butt fugly.
- And constructing my career around such juvenile utterances as "Hey buuuudy" and the infantile sobriquet "The Weez"–whatever was I thinking, Madame may rightfully ask!
- Hey ladies, look at what a sad sack of shit I am. Now let us commence the sex!
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