Handicapping the Michael Phelps Saturday Night Live Episode
As seen in last night's "Before They Get Stale," Olympian man-fish hybrid Michael Phelps will host SNL's 34th season premiere, carrying the show's tradition of thrusting a celebrity without a discernible acting background into the spotlight.
No one expects an Alec Baldwin-level performance here, and since we live in a world where Paris Hilton gets major kudos for reading "energy policy" off a fucking cue card I'd say The Legacy's safe.
So for long time SNL watchers the obvious spectator sport will be pitting swimming's golden boy against other pro athlete hosts.
Two of the oft-cited highs are Peyton Manning's "United Way commercial" and Michael Jordan's "Daily Affirmation With Stuart Smalley." However, Jordan and Manning had hours of commercial training and yelling at idiot teammates to prep for their work. Phelps has had little but his chlorinated water treadmill for solace. If he can surpass Wayne Gretzky's "Waikiki Hockey" or Chris Evert's entire episode, call it a wash.
Here are my predictions of how Phelp's episode will go down:
Display of all eight gold medals used as button for opening monologue 1:1
Gratuitous breaststroke joke – 4:1
Pre-taped segment integrating Phelps' love of hip-hop with rap video skills of fellow gangly goof Andy Samberg – 3:1
Gratuitous ab shot, contrasted with overweight cast member in Speedos – 3:2
Congratulations on your new featured player status, Bobby Moynihan. Now get in these Speedos. – 5:1
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