Whoever Explains this Eugene Mirman News Gets My Undying Love

Everything I do, internet people, I do it for you. I work hard every day to bring you the best in dumb jokes I made up while on the toilet and now, I must ask something from you. Please explain to me what this Eugene Mirman/Ivana Trump airplane press release is about.

[Ivana] Trump acted so “miserable that she was put in coach and not first
class” and spent her time “complaining the nearby children were acting
like monsters” and so the the flight attendant even asked a first-
class passenger to switch with Ivana – that passenger being by
coincidence Mirman.

This story already sounds crazy, but at this point it seemed like a legitimate press release. Ivana Trump was being crazy, so obviously a flight attendant would ask a random passenger to switch seats with her. Mirman being a passenger was a coincidence, but I was still biting. Except then it gets crazier.

“Well, the seat was still warm, her scent still lingered, there was a
hair that must have been hers,‚Äù said Mirman… "All I know is that I had been a long time away from my woman and
a problem immediately arose.”

In the end, Mirman was forced by the airline to purchase the seat once
occupied by Ivana Trump – and when it arrived at his own home, his now
ex-girlfriend pitched a fit.

An ejaculation joke on a press release? I love this so much. I showed this to my friend Dan and he confirmed the author of this article, Simon Stimson is a character from Thornton Wilder's Our Town. I'm going to assume Mirman is responsible for this hoax because of the following brilliance:

“She thought it [the airplace seat] would attract mice,” says Mirman. “I don’t know where
she came up with this, because I cannot believe anything once sat in by
Ivana would attract mice.”

If this story is real, my apologies to Eugene Mirman for my asshole insensitivity to this very real story. Otherwise, does anybody out there know why this exists? Not that I'm not entirely grateful it does because it made my dreary afternoon so much brighter.