jeff barnosky
Humorless politicians are often the funniest (we miss you Danny Q!), but I’m writing about intentional comedy in unexpected places. Nowhere is comedy less expected than in the po-faced world of politicians running for election.
This year’s candidates knew how to laugh at a good joke, but none are purposely funny often enough to qualify, though Joe Biden’s “Noun, Verb, 9-11” joke puts him as a close runner-up.
Ben Franklin:
Being a native Philadelphian, I’ve had many run-ins with Ben Franklin, starting as a kid going to the eponymous Franklin Institute to walk through the heart that smelled like pee through awkward moments as an adult in my work mail room, avoiding eye contact with the guy who plays Franklin all over the city and seems completely determined to stay in character no matter the century.
It‚Äôs hard to separate all of that from the historical figure who did so much that the word politician‚Äîin our modern sense‚Äîseems like an insult. Yet, I‚Äôm sure that Ben Franklin‚Äîthe man who invented libraries and the toaster (indirectly)–would be most proud of the fact that he was a genuinely funny guy, or at least I would be if I were electrocuted while inventing kites.
"Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes."
"Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days."
Winston Churchill:
If Winston Churchill were an American president, he would have been impeached for sauciness and impertinent wit. Also, excessive jowliness and abuse of bowler hats. I shudder to think what Drudge would have done to him.
CHURCHILL ONCE CALLED A WOMAN A WHORE… DEVELOPING‚Ķ
“Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?”
“My goodness, Mr. Churchill… Well, I suppose… we would have to discuss terms, of course…”
“Would you sleep with me for five pounds?”
“Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?”
“Madam, we’ve already established that. Now we are haggling about the price.”
ANOTHER WOMAN "UGLY"… CHURCHILL "DRUNK"… DEVELOPING…
“Sir, you are drunk.”
“And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.”
HATES AVERAGE VOTER… THINKS YOU'RE STUPID… DEVELOPING…
“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”
CALLED WIFE "TROLLOP" AND "CUNT"… DEVELOPING…
Oh wait. That’s McCain. Everyone would just ignore that.
More Winston Churchill Quotes.
Bob Dole:
Jeff Barnosky thinks Bob Dole is the funniest Republican. Jeff Barnosky respects Bob Dole’s ability to laugh at himself and others. Jeff Barnosky doesn’t want to know about Bob Dole’s flaccid phallus, though he gets why it’s funny. Jeff Barnosky has a flaccid phallus every time he looks at Liddy Dole. Jeff Barnosky thinks Bob Dole refers to his penis in the third person as “Commander Floppy.”
Late in his career, Bob Dole seemed to be a little convinced of his own hilarity and came on with the funny almost every other sentence, diluting the timing and making him seem like a mediocre stand-up, but when he wasn’t trying he could be hilarious, once referring to Carter, Ford and Nixon as “See no evil, hear no evil and evil.” That makes up for all the Viagra jokes.
Even when flailing through lame jokes, he always has great timing. Speaking of timing, I wonder if he’s heard of 36 hour Cialis. Make it stop. Jeff Barnosky’s brain feels limp. Jesus. Bob Dole! Bob Dole!
Anne Richards:
I kind of get all stupid and sentimental when I talk about Ann Richards, who was governor of Texas when I moved there in 1992 at the age of 17, a fact that makes me old. It’s easy to explain her victory in what turned into a ridiculously Red State as just the remnants of LBJ’s Democratic machine, but I always thought her total lack of pretentiousness and awesome sense of humor just reminded Texans of their no-nonsense Mama’s who wouldn’t put up with any of their shit but still whipped out the shot gun when the bullies tried to push them around.
And y’all know who defeated her in her re-election bid right? The man who another hilarious Texas lady once called “Shrub.” When Shrub ran, it seemed as if people were voting for him as if they had no choice, like the result was inevitable, almost as if some dark machinations were directing the vote and there was nothing they could do even if they liked Richards better. Hard to imagine!
I can’t really do any better in summarizing the greatness of Ann Richards humor then this obituary by the late and “Shrub”-dubbing Molly Ivins.
Ronald Reagan:
The hardest thing about writing about funny politicians is that they might really just be expert readers of some speech writer’s material. That doesn’t separate them from every talk show host and a good amount of stand-up comedians, but there’s a little more at stake if you believe, like I do, that the ability to be funny indicates at least some level of intelligence. At least some level of intelligence is often asking too much from our robotic congressional overlords.
Reagan’s humor was slick and a product of his Hollywood background and gaggle of exceptional speech writers, but he knew how to deliver a line. Walter Mondale was convinced that Reagan’s joke about not exploiting the younger Mondale’s youth and inexperience (HA!) won Reagan the election. Also, running against Walter Mondale won him the election.
Reagan was consistently funny, except when he said he was blowing up the entire world on the radio. Ha! Ha!
Blog RSS Feeds
 |
 |
 |
 |
Archives
I would have to agree that those are the funniest ones.