TV Linked to Unhappiness, Unlike Blog Reading Which Is Linked to Getting Laid
A new University of Maryland study links television viewing with unhappiness. Unlike I first assumed, the study is not about people who still aren't over Freaks and Geeks and Arrested Development getting axed.
34 years of data collected from more than 45,000 participants and found
that watching TV might make you feel good in the short term but is more
likely to lead to overall unhappiness.
If TV makes me unhappy, then why is it I only become sad the instant I turn it off? I expect you, Sociologists John P. Robinson and Steve Martin, to have a new study explanation on my desk (which is a milk crate in front of the TV) by tomorrow morning.
"Addictive activities produce momentary pleasure and long-term misery
and regret," he says. "People most vulnerable to addiction tend to be
socially or personally disadvantaged. For this kind of person, TV can
become a kind of opiate in a way. It's habitual, and tuning in can be
an easy way of tuning out."
Oh, so you have an answer for everything, eggheads? Answer me this, how can TV be my opiate when opium is already my opiate? Check and mate.
Besides, if I don't watch TV, how will I catch the commercials for the
anti-depressants I need to cure my TV correlated depression? Not that I am depressed, mind you! When I cry while watching Golden Girls, its not because I am sad, but because the opium irritates my tear ducts.
I hope my disproving your three decades of work doesn't affect your overall happiness, sociologists. We can still be cool, and you still have that upcoming study on how text messaging affects my water consumption or whatever. I'm sure I won't be able to disprove that one so easily.
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