The 2008 Comedy Central Gift Guide

Hey, bub, there are only like nine shopping days left before Christmas. And don't even get me started on how many shopping days are left before Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. Seriously, please don't. I don't feel like looking it up on Wikipedia. But the fact remains that you're running out of time, so we've assembled a selection of Comedy Central-themed gifts to help you bring holiday cheer to you and yours.

Fantastimart Figurines
Do your kids like action figures? What about cursing and racial humor? If so, you're a terrible parent, but these figurines will be a huge hit with your disturbed children.

Happy Splash
Let's face it, who hasn't pooped in the pool? Or the shower? Or the bed? Or the TV? And while science is still working on a way to help us stop constantly pooping in those places, it's nice to know there's a product that can at least de-poop the pool. Nothing says "I love you and accept that you can't or won't stop pooping in the pool" quite like a six-pack of Happy Splash.

Rape Shield
Your mother is so hard to shop for, right? Right. But I'll tell you one thing she definitely doesn't want for Jesus' birthday: Rape. So why not treat mom to the gift of not-rape this year? It's stylish, discreet and will give you extra peace of mind when she goes to the annual Convicted Sex Offenders New Years GHBash.

A Puppy
I think we've established already that your family is pretty fucked up. So maybe a cute little puppy is exactly what you need to bring some much needed warmth and stability to your crumbling dysfunctional brood. Maybe pick up a Canine Rape Shield though; I don't like the look in your oldest son's eyes.