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If people with eye-patches had their eyes poked out, did people with soul-patches have their souls poked out?

What does that have to do with a joke being sold on eBay? Nothing, because I don't care about context. Onion writer John Harris is evidently more disciplined than I am though:

I am selling a joke that I can't find a contextual home

for. To be fair, it's less of a joke and more of a dated, Capote-esque

cocktail party bon mot, but decidedly more feeble. The best one can

reasonably expect from this item is a self-satisfied chuckle, such as

can be observed issuing from someone wearing a turtleneck while reading

the Harper's Index. If that didn't make you barf, please continue

reading.

The item in question will be clearly hand-printed on a 3×5 index card and mailed to the winning bidder upon receipt of payment.

The auction for the joke has since ended, but you can still own a piece of the-guy-from-The-Onion-selling-a-joke-on-eBay history, because the auction for this blog post has just begun. The winning bidder will receive via email:

1 Screenshot of the blog post you are reading.

1 .mp3 of me reading the post aloud to my dog.

1 .avi of me listening to the .mp3.

1 Drawing of the socks I wore while writing this post.

Bid now. Bid often.

(Pandas Not Included)

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