This from the New York Post – Page Six…11/13/08

Madonna and Alex Rodriguez are turning to mush over each other. Sources close to Madge tell the Chicago Sun-Times she's so smitten with her rumored Yankee lover, she informed a close pal he "has the heart of a poet trapped inside an insanely gorgeous body." Rodriguez, meanwhile, has been writing "sweet, personal and rambling expressions of his feelings," the paper reports. "Sort of like old-fashioned love notes." Madonna's rep didn't get back to us.

Although, I also have "the heart of a poet trapped inside an insanely gorgeous body," this piece of nonsense represents the final nail in the coffin for me.

I HEREBY RESCIND MY FANDOM OF THE NEW YORK YANKEES AS LONG AS A-ROD IS ON THE TEAM.

I hate the name A-Rod. He is my least favorite athlete of all time and I can't stand to see him at all. I will not root against the Yankees. I hope they win the next seven World Series. I just can't be part of it. I can't stand him.

I do this at a difficult time. Jorge Posada is due to come back fully healthy and I believe, even more than Jeter, that he is the heart and soul of the team I have loved and supported. Giambi, although he is probably a great guy despite gay mustache and thong (and infinitely easier to stomach than A-Rod), is gone and that, in itself, starts to solve some major problems – that they are slow and old and bad defensively. They have gotten Sabathia and Teixeira and will be a playoff contender consistently. Posada and Jeter could, theoretically, tip the scales and make the team watchable and even, dare I say, loveable – but, the time is now. Rodriguez is such a douchebag that I derive no joy even from his clutch performances – wherever and whenever those might be. If he hit a game winning home run in the bottom of the ninth inning against the Red Sox in Game 7 of the ALCS to go to the World Series, I would just feel nasty and weird and kind of like I just went to the White Castle on Rte. 110 at 5am in the morning and ate 15 cheeseburgers and 6 'chicken rings' next to a woman with a hair net and Giambi's mustache.

I like the Phillies and admit to being very happy for their win this year, but it is diametrically opposed to my sports and life philosophies to latch on to a winner or frontrun. Obviously, I need to pick from a handful of perrennial losers for my new team during the A-Rod years.

I AM NOW A FAN OF THE PITTSBURGH PIRATES.

They suck. They have sucked for an impressively long time and they promise to suck more. But they have a young core of players that may just possess a bit of heart. I will root hard for Paul Maholm, Ian Snell and Nate McLouth and a very decent hitter that splits time in the OF and behind the plate named Ryan Doumit. But maybe my poster boy for Pirates baseball and the reason I am now claiming them as mine is their first baseman. His name is Adam LaRoche. He is not French. According to his brother, Andy (the very crappy thirdbaseman the Pirates got from the Dodgers in the Manny/ Jason Bay deal) their grandfather is 100% Mexican but changed the family name due to, what? shame of being Mexican? Unknown. Either way, a lot to like – but, especially this…

Adam LaRoche first made a name for himself with the Atlanta Braves. In an infamous play back in May of 2006 he basically forgot what he was doing in the middle of a play. He took an easy grounder to the right of the pitcher and completely spaced on running to the bag. Nick Johnson easily beat the dazed and distracted LaRoche to the bag and the Expos/Nationals went on to score four runs in the inning. He was booed for the rest of the game and benched, but it was later discovered that he suffers from ADD/ADHD – essentially Attention Deficit Disorder.

My kind of guy. This is an excerpt from a piece from NBC…

LaRoche concedes that his mind occasionally drifts off to other things while he's in the field or sitting in the dugout. Playing a sport which comes with so much idle time only makes things worse. While ADD and ADHD are normally associated with children who have trouble sitting still in class, about a quarter of the cases don't show those sort of symptoms.

For them, it's simply more difficult to stay focused.They forget things. They're disorganized. They're inattentive to what others are saying.Even within that group, there's another set of symptoms known as "sluggish cognitive tempo," according to Quinn. "That's people who go at their own pace. They get there when they get there," she said.

LaRoche fits that definition to a T.

So now – I am a LaRoche and Pirates fan. They, and I, will get there when we get there.

"Sluggish cognitive tempo." Love it. Excellent. Finally, a diagnosis for my people.