I am — and I freely admit this — a lifelong Philadelphia sports fan. I know! I know! That's kind of like admitting, on the Internet, that I'm a masochist who pays women to dig their high heels into my genitals. Except that it's not, because masochists presumably enjoy that sensation. I experience no such pleasure when, every season, I have to watch the Eagles make a valiant attempt at finally winning something only to watch them fall all apart at the end.

But even I know to draw the line of my pain-inducing loyalty somewhere just short of actually betting on the Eagles to not let me get a cookie pan smashed in my face.

Deadspin's AJ Daulerio — also a much put-upon Eagles fan — is not so wise:

This was part of the pay-up for a bet between Daulerio and fellow-Deadspin editor Will Leitch, a life-long Cardinals fan.

Also, as pay-up, Daulerio had to get a tattoo (his first) of a buzzsaw — symbolizing "the buzzsaw that is the Arizona Cardinals… or woodworking" — on his ass.

Daulerio: "If anything this exercise in permanent body desecration has taught me this: I will never, ever bet on the Philadelphia Eagles again."

Let this be a lesson to any young Eagles fans out there: Just give up the dream now — it'll be better for you in the long run.

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