Patton Oswalt Outed As Neill Cumpston
For years, Ain't It Cool News has featured occassional movie reviews by someone named Neill Cumpston. If you've ever read them, you know they're perhaps the greatest film analyses ever composed. And if you haven't had the pleasure, you need to rectify that toot sweet. Here's a shot glassful out of the ocean of Cumpston:
Jim-Jammity Jesus Krispy Kreme Christ on a twat-rocket, this movie blew me apart and put me back together only after I’d got put back I felt like I had thirteen dicks and they’d all gotten blown by a surfer chick with 26 heads (2 mouths on each cock). I will see it ten times and if I see Star Wars George or that gay Batman director butt-hole any time during the ten screenings here comes Mr. Punch.
This is the sequel to the MATRIX Movie that came out four years ago and after seeing it I can say I could have waited another four years it is that fucking good. This movie is a pillowcase with soda cans inside that beats the living mule-fuck out of you but you’re all like, “Bring it on honky tonk” because the beating feels like summer and Halloween and Cheetos at the same time. This movie is Mad Max’s shotgun-gun from ROAD WARRIOR, only it shoots ass-kicking only at jocks. This movie is tits!
Amazing, right? Yes.
Well, it's long been rumored that Neill Cumpston is actually a pen name of Patton Oswalt, and in a recent interview with Peter Travers of Rolling Stone, Patton admitted–in what seemed like an off-the-record moment–that he was indeed Cumpston. But Travers printed it, once and for all lifting the veil off of God's gift to cinephilia.
We wondered what Patton thinks of being exposed. So we asked him.
–Did you mean for that to be on the record?
:: Nope! I don’t think he heard the whole, “Just between you and me…” part.
–How do you feel about it being out there?
:: Someone would have figured out. I’m flattered Rolling Stone broke it.
Scandalous! Can I have my Pulitzer now?
Again, if you haven't read the entire Cumpston canon, clear your schedule and click here now.
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