February 2, 2009 5:59 pm
Matt Tobey
Matt Tobey
By now you've heard the startling news that 162-time Olympic gold-medalist Michael Phelps was photographed with his mouth on a bong. And, it really is startling. I thought if anything he was on meth or coke or motherfucking whale uppers or something. Anything but pot. Because he swims fast, get it?
Can you imagine what would happen if Michael Phelps didn't smoke pot? He would have split the hydrogen atoms in the pool water with his freakish arms and blown up the Olympics.
So, if you object to Michael Phelps hitting a bong, or really anyone hitting a bong, you're basically advocating for a Chinese genocide. Asshole.
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Man, I've never been more in favor of the Chinese, then.