The Stretch Armstrong Movie Will Be the Greatest Film Until the K'NEX Movie
Fifteen years ago, if I would have predicted that the biggest movie-making craze of our highly cynical and ironic age would be the long forgotten toy box ephemera, everyone would have laughed at me. Except Hollywood producers, they all would have said, "Of course! No one's made a live action Pound Puppies movie!"
Universal Pictures has set "Bruce Almighty" scribe Steve Oedekerk to write "Stretch Armstrong," a superhero comedy based on the Hasbro-owned toy.
The project marks the latest Hasbro property to find its way onto the Universal development slate since the toymaker made an overall deal at the studio. U and Hasbro are readying movie transformations of Monopoly, Candyland, and Ouija.
Remember when Armageddon came out and people complained that the asteroid vehicle the astronauts rode around in was made specifically so it could be manufactured as a toy? Of course you don't remember that, because no one complained because no one really cared.
And now, we've reached the apex. Instead of our movies inspiring toys, toys are inspiring movies which in turn will inspire more toys. It's just like Shakespeare intended.
Hasbro's Goldner reacquired the rights, and Oedekerk is starting from scratch.
Is he starting from scratch or is he starting from stretch? I'm sorry, that last joke was quite a stretch. I am the best blogger in the world.
"This is a new well from which to draw intellectual properties that bring a pre-awareness and nostalgia," Schneir said. "They are drawing filmmakers who find a real emotional connection and resonance…"
Yes, I'm sure all the filmmakers in the world are thinking, "I have such good memories of all those shitty toys my parents got me to overcompensate for their divorce."
Shakespeare once wrote, “The common curse of mankind, — folly and ignorance." Obviously, Shakespeare's biggest folly was not putting a sweet Tonka truck into one of his plays.
After the jump, I reveal the production slate of every single Hollywood producer.
I can't wait until they start remaking all of our shitty toy movies. That should start happening in two to three years.
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