The Village Voice Compiles the Dirtiest Excerpts From Bill O'Reilly's Audio Novel
There is a serious cultural double standard I would like to address in my space on this blog today. Whenever I masturbate onto a piece of paper and then try to sell it, nobody seems to want to buy it. But when Bill O'Reilly masturbates onto 320 pages and tries to sell them, well, not many people buy them either. But if he tapes himself doing it, at least people pay attention:
Last week, when your Crap Archivist got all aghast about the inexcusable creepiness that is The O'Reilly Factor For Kids, I failed to point out something important: horrifying as it is, The O'Reilly Factor For Kids is far from Bill O'Reilly's worst – or creepiest — book.That honor goes to "Those Who Trespass," his 1998 novel about an O'Reilly-esque TV journalist who is trained by an Irish Republican Army terrorist to kill the people who deserve it the most: the broadcast news bastards who interfered with the O'Reilly character's career. It's personal on the political level, too — his victims includes a powerful "bitch" named Hillary and a fat "slob" named Martin Moore.
If you were ever curious to hear your best guess as to what sex was when you were 11 read back to you by a guy trying to keep his balance while standing up in a canoe, you should really give a listen to the clips.
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