When I was a kid, I was in Cub Scouts, but I sucked at the Pinewood Derby. Luckily, I made up for it by always winning the thing where your canoe flips over on the camping trip and everyone makes fun of you for crying. I was like the Michael Phelps of that. If only I'd had a particle accelerator magnet.



South Park airs Wednesdays at 10pm / 9c. Meanwhile, check out more clips and full episodes at South Park Studios.

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