Waldo Comes Out of Hiding for Seven Figure Deal

After years of searching, Hollywood has finally found the next franchise to exploit. Where's Waldo? is being turned into a movie.

U and Chris Meledandri's family film unit have acquired screen rights to turn the "Where's Waldo?" book series into a live-action family pic. Deal was worth high-six against seven figures. Meledandri will produce.

Wow, they are going to make a million dollars with this movie! Obviously, this classic story of a man hiding from his inner demons will translate beautifully to the big screen.

The best part is that now no one will have to search for Waldo. He will be on billboards, on TV commercials and plastered all over Happy Meals. Its so much easier this way really.

I do have to admit that a big part of me is nostalgic for those bygone days when films consisted of original creations like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or The Care Bears Movie, but those days are long behind us.

As long as they are going through with this film, I figure I have as good a shot as anyone of getting hired to write the script, so I've spent the better part of my afternoon writing a spec script for my proposed Waldo film adaptation. If any Hollywood big shots are reading this, please take the time to yell at your assistant to read my script.

Click after the jump to read my Where's Waldo? The Movie screenplay.

I totally didn't write this in fifteen minutes, btw…

WHERE'S WALDO? THE MOVIE

WRITTEN BY GONZALO RUTHERFORD CORDOVA

INT. CROWDED BAZAAR – DAY

WALLY, played by SHIA LABEOUF, fights through the Arab mob, shopping for hookahs or whatever those guys like to shop for, while guiding JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT, star of Garfield, by the hand.

WALLY
We have to hide from my evil twin Odlaw.

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT
How will we escape?

WALDO
If all those years hiding from an abusive father
taught me one thing it was to hide. And I'm
going to hide like hiding is going out of style.

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT
That's perfect. I still remember what it was
like hiding from the Paparazzi twelve years ago.

WALDO
Let us blend into this crowd of beach combers.

(Were we at the beach or at an Arab bazaar? Too lazy to scroll up. Let script supervisor take care of it. Time for an obligatory WGA mandated cocaine break).

…

INT. CROWDED PLAYGROUND SANDBOX OR SOMETHING I FORGET – MAGIC HOUR

OLDAW, played by DENNIS QUAID, dressed just like WALDO but with black and yellow stripes and a very evil goatee, pinches a bit of sand and tastes it.

ODLAW
I know you're near, Waldo. All these circus
folk (or wherever we are) can't distract me.

ODLAW looks around him. The crowded mall is too full of Arab circus people children cowboys for him to find Waldo. The camera pans over the scenery trying to find WALDO.

Over the course of an hour and a half, we see a wizard, a guy that kind of looks like Waldo but isn't Waldo, and a little alien dude or something.

Finally, we zoom in on WALDO, who is kissing JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT. The music swells, but then a record scratches.

The camera pans over and WALDO'S dog WOOF, a CGI character voiced by BILL MURRAY, is dancing while singing I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND.

ODLAW died falling off a cliff trying to reach the sacred cup of Ra or something. I don't know. Time for another cocaine break.

THE END

OR IS IT?

I'll just sit by the phone the rest of the day and wait for my phone call from Hollywood, California USA. So many millions of dollars this way comes.