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Canada is sneaky. That's a fact. They sit up there quietly minding their own business, almost never even bombing the shit out of any third-world countries. Half the time I mistake them for Minnesota's big backyard. But that's just what they want. After all, if we forget they exist, we'll never suspect them of sabotaging our speedskaters.

Click here to donate to the US Speedskating team.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

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