In 1989, Ted Nugent teamed with Tommy Shaw from Styx and Jack Blades of Night Ranger to form Damn Yankees. By the end of the year, the Berlin Wall fell, presumably from the sheer force of the supergroup's star power. Unfortunately it didn't last, and the world has yet to see another amalgamation of giants of that magnitude… until now.

Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk is a new book written by the team of (deep breath!) Daily Show writer Scott Jacobson, Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien writer Todd Levin, The Onion's Jason Roeder and Vanity Fair staffers Mike Sacks and Ted Travelstead.

That is so many funny guys! This book has to be hilarious, right? Maybe, but there's really no way to ever know. If only there was an excerpt from the book below the paragraph you're currently reading. Oh well, dare to dream.

LESS WELL- KNOWN STDS

Every body part has its marquee afflictions. In the brain, it’s Alzheimer’s; in the lungs, it’s bronchial gnomes. Our genitals also have their elite maladies, such as HIV/AIDS, syphilis, and chlamydia, among others, and they’ve more than earned the distinction. But anyone who’s sought a medical explanation for why their penis is behaving like a dowsing wand, or why their vagina is teaching itself card tricks when it thinks you’re asleep, knows better. There’s so much more that can go wrong.

Pubic Wolves
Tiny predatory canines found in regions of pubic hair. The wolves travel in packs of up to a dozen, and can migrate from one set of genitals to another in a single act of intercourse. While not considered dangerous under ordinary circumstances, they can turn on their host’s flesh when threatened or when pubic elk meat is scarce.

Scrivener Rot
Over the course of a couple of weeks to several months, a person contracting scrivener rot will lose the ability to transcribe, take notes, or certify documents. This malady was once the scourge of the promiscuous notary-public community, but educational outreach has since helped contain the epidemic.

Fourteen- karat Gonorrhea
A bacterial disease whose conspicuous feature is a glittering discharge that when collected and allowed to cool can be fashioned into bracelets by a skilled goldsmith. Usually fatal.

Reproductive Snow Camo
A mostly cosmetic condition that blanches the genitals to an arctic white mottled with black and gray splotches. Tests have shown that the camouflage offered by this condition is at least equally as effective as the alpine codpieces worn by special-forces soldiers.

Genital Scapegoating
For reasons still unclear to medical science, the private parts of individuals contracting this peculiar disease become objects of blame for all manner of personal problems and societal ills. Someone with genital scapegoating may not even know he or she has the disease until confronted by strangers with comments such as “Your vulva is why I drink” or “You know what’s wrong with America? Your balls, that’s what.”

Excerpted from Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk by the Association for the Betterment of Sex (Scott Jacobson, Todd Levin, Jason Roeder, Mike Sacks, and Ted Travelstead). Copyright (c) 2010. Published by Broadway Books, a division of Random House, Inc. Reprinted with permission.