10:47: Well, that's it. The first annual Comedy Awards are over. Be sure to tune-in to see the show when it premieres simultaneously on Comedy Central, Spike TV, CMT, Logo, TV Land, VH1 and Nick at Nite, Sunday, April 10 at 9/8c. It'll be like reading this live-blog except with people instead of words.
10:44: From backstage – Ty Burrell says his dream guest-stars for Modern Family are Steve Martin, Bill Murray and Albert Brooks.
10:36: "God bless basic cable. Goodnight, everybody."
10:32: After gushing about Bill Murray, now he's gushing about Johnny Carson. Incredibly humble and gracious and hilarious all at the same time.
10:31: We've just been treated to a delightful Letterman f-bomb. Unprecedented?
10:29: Letterman just came out to accept the award from behind Johnny Carson's original Tonight Show curtain. It hasn't been seen in almost 20 years.
10:27: Now Bill Murray is talking about how amazing David Letterman is. He just called him "the most important person in late night."
10:26: Watching a great montage of Letterman clips. He's the fucking best. Also, Justin Bieber was in it. I might have made that happen with my mind.
10:23: The Johnny Carson Award for Comedic Excellence is being presented to David Letterman on account of nothing has ever made more sense in the history of anything.
10:22: Just watched a montage of classic Johnny Carson moments. Now Bill Murray is explaining what made Johnny such a legend.
10:21: Bill Murray is here to present the Johnny Carson Award. He's also apparently here to make me feel like a weak-kneed school girl running into Justin Bieber.
10:19: Holy shit, Bill Murray. I repeat, holy shit, Bill Murray!
10:17: In case you thought The Roots might have stopped destroying at some point, I feel obligated to let you know that they did. They've now begun annihilating.
10:15: From backstage – Kristen Wiig says she'll keep her Comedy Award in her bed and feels bad for beating Betty White, because it was one of her favorite weeks at SNL when Betty hosted.
10:13: Time for the In Memoriam segment. It's a bummer, but the clips are also super funny, so it's kind of a funny bummer. Let's call it a fummer.
10:11: Tina Fey wins it! She's talking some serious shit about Helen Mirren.
10:09: Ty Burrell out again to present Best Comedy Actress – Film.
10:07: Hot Tub Time Machine wins! i believe this makes it the winningest hot tub-centric movie in the history of cinema. It's at least tied with Kramer vs. Kramer.
10:06: And now Ty Burrell's back out to present the Best Comedy Screenplay award.
10:04: Zach Galifianakis wins! He's not here, so I think the award goes to the Vice Zach Galifianakis.
10:03: Andy's presenting Best Comedy Actor – Film.
10:02: Announcer Andy Richter just introduced presenter Andy Richter.
9:58: Kristen Wiig wins! I mean, Kristen Wiig wiins!
9:56: And when Jon Cryer is done fucking you up, he'll present the award for Best Comedy Actress – TV.
9:53: "Jon Cryer will fuck you up!" I think Jon Cryer is winning.
9:52: Jon Cryer is out. He's giving a sneak preview of his new record.
9:49: The Daily Show just won! Colbert is following Stewart onstage.
9:46: Bruce is presenting Best Late Night Comedy Series.
9:44: Bruce Willis is having fun cursing.
9:41: Louis CK wins! First winner to thank his boxing trainer. If he's the last, I will shave a rabid squirrel.
9:40: John Oliver is out to present Best Stand-Up Special.
9:38: From backstage – The Gregory Brother, when asked if they're going to auto-tune Rebecca Black's "Friday": "Isn't it already auto-tuned enough?"
9:37: From backstage – Eddie Murphy: "I just bumped into Will Ferrell for the first time and he is fucking funny."
9:34: Modern Family wins! Ty Burrell is accepting.
9:30: Shandling is presenting Best Comedy Series, but first he's taking a few moments to seriously kill.
9:27: Garry Shandling is up.
9:23: Akon: "Suck my dick, Eddie!"
9:22: And now Eddie's up to accept.
9:19: Delirious, Mr Robinson's Neighborhood, Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop, The Nutty Professor, Coming to America, Raw, Buckwheat, the list goes on. One hell of a resumé.
9:18: We're watching a montage of Eddie Murphy moments. I know it's the duh statement of the century, but he is a ridiculously funny dude.
9:15: Tracy Morgan is onstage to give the Comedy Icon Award to Eddie Murphy.
9:13: Edgar Wright wins for Scott Pilgrim vs. the World!
9:11: More Colbert. He's giving out the Best Comedy Directing – Film award now.
9:09: Boom! 30 Rock just won the shit out of it. Tina Fey and Robert Carlock are accepting.
9:07: He's presenting the award for Best Writing – TV.
9:04: Auto-Tune the News win it for "Bed Intruder Song." The Gregory Brothers are up to accept. First four-part harmony in a speech of the night. I'll eat my necktie if it's the last.
9:03: Will Ferrell and Adam McKay are out to present Best Viral Original. I can't believe meningitis didn't even get nominated.
9:00: Full gospel choir! Fireworks! This is amazing.
8:58: Apparently The Lonely Island and Akon just had sex. Developing…
8:57: Kristen Schaal is out to introduce The Lonely Island and Akon.
8:53: Stephen Colbert and The Lonely Island are up next.
8:52: South Park wins it! Matt and Trey are up to accept the award.
8:49: Hello there, Bill Hader. You are presenting Best Animated Comedy Series. Also, I love you. Let's be friends.
8:47: Alec Baldwin wins! Which makes sense on account of "win" being right there in his name. And also on account of him being amazing.
8:46: Chloë Moretz is on stage to present Best Actor – TV.
8:43: In case you're wondering, the actual physical Comedy Awards are golden microphones.
8:41: "Henry fucking Winkler!" was just uttered for the first time. I'll bet dollars to donuts it's not the last.
8:41: Childrens Hospital wins! Rob Corddry is accepting, because duh.
8:37: "Please welcome Craig Robinson." Okay, I will! He's presenting Best Sketch Comedy/Alternative Comedy Series.
8:36: The Other Guys just won Best Comedy Film. First award and they're already setting the acceptance speech bar really high.
8:33: Jon Stewart is out to present the Best Comedy Film award and has promised to shit all over the show tonight. Outstanding.
8:31: Oh, damn, the announcer just listed all the people who are going to be in the show, and Bruce Willis was a great surprise. Also a great surprise? The announcer is Andy Richter!
8:29: "Ladies and gentlemen, Alec Baldwin." He's opening the show and up for Best Actor – TV.
8:24: Who do I need to talk to make these guys the house band at my actual house?
8:21: Is it uncool to use the word "funky" now? Because The Roots are funky as hell.
8:15: The Roots are on the stage. The show is starting. I've never been so excited to hear a sousaphone!
7:42: Tonight's house band The Roots are here. Good thing. I was worried they would get stuck in traffic, and I'd have to fill in on my glockenspiel.
7:32: Daily Show Senior Women's Issues Correspondent and all-around hilarious person Kristen Schaal on the red carpet…
7:21: There's Chloe Moretz, tonight's youngest nominee. She's up for the Best Actress – Film award for her work in Kick-Ass.
7:04: Christian Finnegan interviewing Edgar Wright, who is nominated tonight for directing Scott Pilgrim vs. The World…
6:58: Red carpet host Christian Finnegan…
6:29: We're here.