Somewhere there's a warehouse full of unsold packets of Nickelodeon GAK, Floam and Gooze just waiting until parents are once again dumb enough to buy their kids junk designed to ruin couches.

Until that day, brave slime warriors like Key & Peele's Jordan Peele will continue reminding us that once we allowed our children to play with solidified chemical soup. Jordan wrote a piece for The Wall Street Journal lamenting the demise of our culture's most defining detritus…

It began as toxic waste. For our parents, it was dangerous, a mysterious by-product of their deep-seated Cold War paranoia. The Blob. They all went through a collective psychological trauma during the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962. It left a residue. By the time the Chernobyl disaster happened in 1986, radioactive waste imagery was everywhere. For us, as kids, we needed an explanation. We could sense that the thick green liquid meant something important, but we didn’t know what. Our parents couldn’t explain it without getting into a monologue involving Atomic Theory, The Bay of Pigs, and for some reason, Leonard Nimoy. They were scared, and they had been scared their entire lives. So they repackaged that fear into something stupid. Green Slime.

Have you ever seen a more eloquent explanation of a substance that once was dumped on Shaquille O'Neal?

Key & Peele airs Tuesdays at 10:30/9:30c right after an all-new Tosh.0.

(Photo by Getty Images)