From Indecision…

Here's a riddle. What's conceived in sin; takes nine months to complete; and makes for some sticky situations upon its unwelcomed arrival? That's right, a completely convoluted Indecision article that lists famous illegitimate political offspring while simultaneously promoting the season premiere of The Sarah Silverman Program, entitled "The Proof Is in the Penis." Oh, exceptIndecision didn't give me nine months to write this. More like five days. And I guess I didn't really conceive it in sin, although between you and me, my silk boxers do feel pretty sweet beneath my blogging pants.

Now before you go complaining about who I left off, keep in mind that I was looking not only for political progeny born to unmarried parents, but also people who — when organized in list form — would make you, the reader, want to tune in for Sarah Silverman's season premiere, "The Proof Is in the Penis" this Thursday at 10:30pm / 9:30c. Did I accomplish this? Hey, who's wearing the blogging pants around here. Spoiler alert: Not me as of twenty seconds ago.

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27. John Edwards' daughter Frances Quinn Hunter

When John Edwards burst on the National political scene in 2000, he was like nothing we'd ever seen. The guy just didn't lie like a politician. Unfortunately, he lied a lot like a trial lawyer. And in 2008, we learned that John Edwards could lie like other things too.

For example, like that guy your mom called your "uncle" when your dad was away on business trips. In any event, Edwards' affair with Rielle Hunter came to light in 2008, and while he admitted his wrongdoing, he was also adamant that Ms. Hunter's baby girl was not his. Turns out that was also a lie.

Fast-forward to 2010 and now Edwards has admitted that Frances Quinn is his daughter. This might be the first time a two-year-old's first sentence has been, "No, dude. Seriously. It's O.K."

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Important Things with Demetri Martin is back. But really, did it ever really leave? Well, yes in the sense that season one ended and there was a passage of time, and now, there are new episodes for season two. Don’t you understand how time works? No? How about sex? Yeah, me too. Anyway, check out this clip from the season premiere of Important Things with Demetri Martin, airing Thursday at 10pm / 9c, then scroll down for more regrettable-sex-related merriment from the Jokes.com vault.

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From Indecision…

Tragic news today in the world of 1980's character-based comics. 57-year-old Paul Reubens, who was set to return his Pee Wee Herman character to the stage in a November performance has … moved the performance to January. Perhaps, even more shocking, the venue has changed from the Music Box in Hollywood to Club Nokia in L.A. Comedy fans everywhere are understandably shaken:

"Man, this is the worst news ever," said Steve Gadlin, a lifelong Pee-wee fan who lives in Chicago. Speaking on the phone Tuesday, Gadlin said he had purchased an airplane ticket and front-row seats for the show for the day after Thanksgiving. This morning, the Web developer (and part-time comic and producer) said he requested a refund on his tickets to the show.

"I'm not over-dramatizing this just because I'm talking to a newspaper reporter. This the biggest bummer on the planet."

My heart goes out to Steve, and all the rest who were so shaken by fate's cruel blow. My thoughts are with all of you, and I pray none of you had tickets for Ernest Comes Back From The Dead, because, brother, it ain't happening.

Sure, you enjoy Tracy Morgan's stand-up and watch him on 30 Rock, but do you follow him on Twitter? No. You don't. Because, apparently, Mr. Morgan is not on Twitter and isn't interested in telling you what's on his mind grapes. But now, one website is setting out to change all that:

Twacy.org, a new website launched today, has one simple mission in this very complicated world: To get OUR FAVORITE GENIUS and HIP-HOP HONORS HOST Tracy Morgan to join Twitter.

Finally, someone is putting the internet to good use. Sure, petitions for Darfur were okay. I guess. But now, we can use the web for change we all need. Together, with Twacy.org, we can harass one of TV's shiniest stars into giving us 140 characters of love, comedy and wisdom.

So please take a moment, won't you, and join in the good fight. Don't worry, babies will still be starving when you get back.

Tracy Morgan will be performing at next month's New York Comedy Festival.

Good news for Monty Python fans. John Cleese is now touring in a one man show, and the best part is, he's really pissed off. "A Ludicrous Evening with John Cleese… or How To Finance Your Divorce" opened in Oslo, Norway last week.

According to Cleese, the show was a direct result of being ordered to pay his ex wife, Alyce Faye Eichelberger, £8 million in cash and assets as well as £612,000 a year for the next seven years. Cleese told reporters:

"I get angry that I have to pack my trunk, just to go away to make money. That I, at my age, would have to plan my life anew to pay her all the money she is to get for the next seven years – well, it irritates me."

In response to the news, Cleese fans worldwide exclaimed, "God Bless Alyce Faye Eichelberger!" A touring, pissed off Cleese? What more could any Python fan want? Oh don't get me wrong, its not that Harry Potter's Nearly Headless Nick and Q from the Bond movies aren't hilarious, its just that… no wait, that's exactly it.

Despite her disturbingly Aryan name, Ms. Eichelberger is a saint. A catalyst for long dormant comedic gold. But it does raise a question: If £8 million begets a one man show, how big a debt did Cleese need to pay off when he agreed to appear in Pink Panther 2?