Neil Hamburger has never been one of America's most loved comedians. In fact, he may very well be its worst. With a stable of jokes staler than five-week old rye that can only be described by metaphors staler than a six-week old Portuguese roll, Hamburger has cornered the market on pissing off his audience. And pissed off they will be when they discover that his latest album, "Neil Hamburger Sings Country Winners," is not comedy at all, but a collection of country music duds written by Hamburger and others. We sat down with Neil today to talk about his music career, self-medicating during the bad times and signing the worst contract ever drawn up.

Comedy Central Insider: What made you decide to throw yourself into country music?

Neil Hamburger: Well, you know, I've done so many albums -- so, so many albums -- that why not do something a little bit different? A lot of the great personalities have made albums. Telly Savalus made a series of albums, Leonard Nimoy, William Shatner -- a lot of the singing celebrity albums are very popular. Even Jack Webb made an album of songs. So it wasn't so much that we were going with country per say, it was that we were going with one of these personality type of albums where a bunch of songs are written to cater to the particular fans that I might have.

CCI: As a comedian, was music a big step for you, or was it easy to make the transition?

NH: You know, I'm not Pavarotti here.  Definitely, it's a problem. I would not recommend that most comedians make singing albums. But we had had a couple of songs on other albums just as filler, so we decided just to stretch that out just a little bit further with an entire album when these great musicians became available and were interested in taking part in this project.

More after the jump...

 

CCI: Who do you have in your band?

NH: Who don't we have is really the question. We've got them all -- all of the top players that are currently working. We've got Prairie Prince from The Tubes. He is really known as one of the great drummers of all time. If you do a search on the Internet, this guy has played with everyone from George Harrison all the way to Todd Rundgren and he's playing on my goddamn record, so go figure. And then we've got Dave Gleason who is a big mover and shaker in what they call cosmic country western and we've got Joe Goldmark who is the best pedal steel player on the west coast and Rachel Haden who's a singer who you may have heard with The Rentals and Weezer -- she's done a lot of things -- and of course, Atom Ellis who played with Link Wray and Dieselhead, he's playing the bass. I could not ask for better people. Why they tolerate my inept singing is beyond me.

CCI: The video you released online, "Jug Town," is a story about an absentee father who drinks his life away at a bar. Why that song? Is it autobiographical?

NH: It's actually one of the few that wasn't written specifically for this project. That one was found in a trash can on a record by a group called The New Kingston Trio, not the Kingston Trio, but The New Kingston Trio. This record was found in the trash and it really didn't belong there, 'cause I'll tell you, it's a sensational song. You don't hear too many songs that justify the alcoholic lifestyle in the way that this one does. It was actually written by Billy Ed Wheeler, who's a great country songwriter. He wrote "Coward of the County," "Jackson" and a lot of other big hits in the past. So we felt very excited to do that number.

CCI: There's a line in the song, "Jug Town wine was filled with dreams." What kind of dreams?

NH: I think a lot of us, I don't know about you, but a lot of us who's careers aren't what we want them to be and whose personal lives are a complete wreck, when you drive 700 miles a day for over 15 years as I have, you've got claw fingers and all kinds of ailments, decaying muscular structure and an overwhelming fatigue and depression and misery and then you get out and you do these shows where half the people in the club are souped up on who knows what to foget their problems -- so many emotional problems, you know, amongst my fan base --  and so, let's face it, what better way to self-medicate than with a cheap, three or four dollar jug of wine. That can really set your dreams in motion. A lot of us have so much misery, hatred, bitterness and despair that it's hard to just sit back and relax and daydream. That's where this Jug Town wine comes in.

CCI: A reviewer for Time Out: Chicago called the album, "the return of sad Neil." Do you think that's accurate?

NH: We've been all over the map with these records, because you don't want to do the same record over and over like so many of these assholes do. A lot of these guys, they'll put a tape recorder in the floor and record the first show and that's their album. But we've tried to do thins a little differently. We did one album where we were in Malaysia, and I did one album where I was opening for Tenacious D before a hostile crowd and we've got all kinds of booing and that sort of thing. But what was the question?

CCI: Do you think there's a sense of despair about the album?

NH: Oh yeah, yeah. There is. But there is all the time anyway, because of some of the bad career choices I've made. When I was a young comedian, immediately it started out sad, because I signed up with a talent agency that I found through an ad in The National Enquirer -- right underneath the ad where you get a dollar each for stuffing envelopes -- right under that was an ad that said, "Let your show business dreams come true. Send one dollar and a self-addressed stamped envelope." Well, I did, and these guys sent me this contract claiming they could book me in nightclubs all over the world. And I'll tell you -- they have, but it's the worst contract anyone's ever seen. It's a nightmare, and I'm locked into it through 2029. And I owe these guys tens of thousands of dollars because the fees that they charge exceed the amount of money that is paid by the venues. You see how they worked that one out? So the more I play, the further into debt I go.

CCI: Do you expect the album to sell well and offset any of that debt?

NH: No, we don't. We don't, really, because people don't buy these albums. I'm sure you know, if you're in the business, they find a way to steal it. Now, if I go into Arby's and steal one of those sandwiches I'm gonna spend 30 years in jail. Not that I would steal one of the sandwiches, because they're horrible. But these guys, you know, they'll come up to me and say, "Neil, I'm the biggest fan you've ever had. I've got all 20 of your releases. Would you sign them for me?" And I say, "Sure, I'd be happy to." And they pull out one of those little flash drives and say, "Yeah, I downloaded them all! They're on this little flash drive. I didn't pay a penny! Would you sign the flash drive for me?" So that's the kind of crowd we're dealing with when we're not dealing with the sickes and some of the perverts and that whole scene.

CCI: If comedy and music are your two passions, what unites them for you? Or are they totally separate in your mind?

NH: It's all about entertaining people, that's what it is. And whatever you can use to do it. You look at all the song and dance men of the old eras -- George Burns would do a song or tell a joke or do whatever it takes to get a laugh. Nowadays you've got the same thing. You've got these bands that come out, and they'll do a few songs, and then they'll shit into a plate or shoot themselves up under their fingernails with a syringe filled with heroin, you know, anything to entertain the crowd. Now, that's not my scene. I'm more in the old school, the Bob Hope sort of category, except with a lot more of these sewer sorts of jokes. But I think if you can sing a song and keep people from thinking about their horrible, horrible, horrible lives for three minutes, then sing the song. And if you can tell a joke and distract them from all the awful problems that are raining down on them, then tell that joke. Tell that story. Do whatever you can to distract these people from going straight down the drain, because the suicide rate is so high.

Watch the "Jug Town" music video: