Kyle Cease: Dad Gab

(Kyle Cease's Comedy Central Presents special airs tomorrow at 10p / 9c. Check out his official website or this clip for a preview.

Today I had one of the longest phone conversations that I have ever had with my father. I don't talk to him that frequently, yet we somehow are close in many ways. I say that our closeness goes back and forth because I really love talking to him, although I remember one time when I realized we still have work to do. I was about to meet him at one of his motorcycle conventions (to be discussed later). He said on the phone to me "I will be the one in the hat."

I thought about it for a second and realized he would have specified things a lot more if he had said "I will be the one that looks like Alan Cease, your father who you have seen all your life. This is especially true considering that seventy percent of the people at the convention were wearing hats. I don't think that I was going to walk up to him, look at his face and think "Is this my father?" then I would suddenly look up and see the magical identification hat . . . "Daddy!!!!!!"

Kyle Cease: The worst gig I have ever had, Pt. II

(Kyle Cease's Comedy Central Presents special airs Friday at 10p / 9c. Check out his official website or this clip for a preview.

I flew into Nashville Tennessee. Martin is a 2 hour drive from there. It was early February and I was exhausted from 3 flights that were all delayed, which I guess is way better then if the first flight was delayed and then the other 2 were on time. Im not good at making a dramatic point sometimes.

So I finally get to the venue. The hotel is your standard hotel, with a nice bed, color TV, feces and a shower. The guy from the school picks me up, and takes me over to the show. I find out right then that I will be hosting a step competition in the gym. This is already a nightmare. There are 4 places that stand-up comedy does not belong:

1. In the center of a gym.

2. When hosting a step show.

3. On top of a delicious milkshake.

4. In Martin, Tennessee.

Kyle Cease: The worst gig I have ever had, Pt. I

(Kyle Cease's Comedy Central Presents special airs Friday at 10p / 9c. Check out his official website and his MySpace page) for a preview.

April 29th 2006

Tomorrow I get to go home. I have been on an insane college tour and I cant believe that I get to finally go home. I am so exhausted. Its weird. I have learned so many things on this last tour. There really is quite a list. However, out of everything I have learned, the most important life lesson that I can share with you is this; If you ever become a college comic and have to do 100 colleges, Do not perform at the University of Tennessee in Martin.

Bill Santiago: Half, Not Whole

(From left: cute girl, Bill Santiago, Todd Barry)

(Bill Santiago's Comedy Central Presents special airs tonight at 10p / 9c. Check out a preview clip here.)

Tonight, I have a special ON TV. YOUR TV!

So yeah, it's here, finally. They are going to air my "Comedy Central Presents" special. People like to call it your 'half hour' special. Which I personally can't stand because it makes it seem like less than an hour, which it is, but you don't have to stress that, like you couldn't make the hour, like they didn't want you on for a whole hour, like half, not whole, and even that they edit down. So, in fact, when they say half, they are actually rounding up to the thirty minutes but it's even less. Of course, if it seems like an hour to anybody, then I'm in trouble.

Bill Santiago: Cramming for the Code

(Bill Santiago's Comedy Central Presents special airs tomorrow at 10p / 9c. Check out a preview clip here.)

So here’s the latest Motherjones.com column. I get to write what I want, the way I want, and the editor is extremely tolerant of my process ( see yesterday’s blog entry) It’s a dream gig. And the columns are adding up. Feels good to finally be archived! Read more of my columns here.

Bill Santiago: Deadlines

(Bill Santiago's Comedy Central Presents special airs this Friday at 10p / 9c. Check out a preview clip here.)

On deadline for a new Mother Jones column. It’s funny how I angle into a writing assignment, even something as supposedly quick as a column. I think about it. I wait. I think I wait. I wait until the first deadline passes and maybe the second and I kind of disappear off the map and call the editor eventually and promise to make it for real this time after we establish another deadline.

Bill Santiago: Thank You For Not Smoking In Texas

(Bill Santiago's Comedy Central Presents special airs this Friday at 10p / 9c. Check out a preview clip here.)

They put me up in hotel, but in a smoking room. It reeked. I hate when you ask for non-smoking and they don’t even clean the ash tray. And I called and insisted on being switched to a non-smoking room. “Hey, this is unacceptable. I just got all my clothes dry cleaned.” Which, I am sure got me a ‘high maintenance’ asterisk next to my name down at the reception desk.

I was in Dallas. I was there because a reporter with ABC News, in Dallas, contacted me. He had picked up a story about me on a website someplace and wanted to do a profile. But the catch was, “When are you going to be in Dallas?” We worked it out at the Improv in Addison. They wanted me to close out their Latino Jam show.

Becky Pedigo: Final Countdown

Becky Pedigo's Comedy Central Presents special premieres TONIGHT, April 28th at  10:30p / 9:30c during Stand-Up Nation with Greg Giraldo. Get a preview of what's in store from her Comedy Central page.

Well, tonight's the night. Whether you like it or not. This is it, so let's get out there, and as a team, let's make this the best darn comedy special Becky Pedigo has ever done! It's the only one so far, so it should be easy. Just make sure you get a "disco nap" so we can stay up and celebrate until at least 11:45 or so. See ya then.

Becky Pedigo: Flashback Follies

Becky Pedigo's Comedy Central Presents special premieres tomorrow, April 28th at  10:30p / 9:30c during Stand-Up Nation with Greg Giraldo. Get a preview of what's in store from her Comedy Central page.

Has anything in my career been as exciting as having my own special on Comedy Central? Hmm . . . well, once I was working in New Mexico and my name was on the sign outside the club, and since I was still young and new in the business, it was very exciting to be up in lights in the same strip mall as Safeway.

I wanted a picture of it, so one night I headed to the club early to get a picture. As I stepped out of the car and snapped the shot, a man that was walking into the club turned around and headed my way.

I thought perhaps he'd recognized me and I was ready sign an autograph, but instead he asked

"Are you a cop?"

"What?" I asked, sure that second hand pot smoke from the comedy condo was affecting my hearing.

"Are you a cop?," he repeated. "Did you take a picture of me?"

"No." I said " I'm one of the comics. I was taking a picture of my name."

"If you're a cop and I ask, you have to tell me," he said. "Those are the rules." Really? Those are the rules? I realize I was only educated in the Amarillo public school district, but I'm pretty sure there might be a little more involved in undercover work than the honor system. What an idiot, I thought. Then I thought of my cousin who was in law enforcement. He was the sheriff of a small town inTexas. I couldn't wait to tell him about this guy. Man, would we laugh.

Then I remembered that my cousin, the sheriff, had shot himself in the butt the year before. When I asked how he'd done it, he said " With my gun." I never developed those pictures.

This is way more exciting than that.

Becky Pedigo: Countdown Jitters

Enter the mind of Becky Pedigo in anticipation of her Comedy Central Presents special which premieres this Friday, April 28th at  10:30p / 9:30c during Stand-Up Nation with Greg Giraldo. Watch a sampling of her icy fresh stylings from her Comedy Central page.

Two days left. Or maybe three. Does Friday count since that's the day the show airs? Part of me is very excited and the other part . . . nauseous.

Some days I hope everyone watches and sometimes I hope no one does. At this particular moment, I'd like you to watch, but just don't tell me.

Do I think things will change after Friday? Well, let's just say I doubt I'll have to wait much longer for Don Henley to approve my "Friend Request."

Peter Berman: Comedy Playboy

(Peter Berman will be guest-blogging on this site for the rest of this week, leading up to his Comedy Central Presents half-hour special this Friday night at 10p / 9c.)

Tomorrow morning, I'm going to be talking about my CCP special on Playboy Radio (Sirius). I'll be on The Playboy Magazine Morning Show at about 6:00AM for about 30-60 minutes and then re-aired on their replay at 9AM.  The show is broadcast on Sirius 4AM-7AM PST with a replay from 7AM-10AM. Be sure to tune in!

Here's a preview clip from Peter's half-hour special.

Becky Pedigo: The Warm-Up

Becky Pedigo gears up for her Comedy Central Presents special this premiering Friday, April 28th at  10:30p / 9:30c during Stand-Up Nation with Greg Giraldo. Watch a sampling of her acerbic stylings from her Comedy Central page.

Well . . . my first blog for Comedy Central. Don't be nervous folks, if Megan Mooney can do it . . . I'm feeling pretty good about this, because I've written stuff down before and after spell checking, it always seems to turn out fine. Anyway, Friday's the big night and like everyone else, I can't wait to see how gigantic my head looks, so . . . be sure to tune in, then we can all meet back here and I'll dwell on it.

Peter Berman: Interview

Peter Berman will be guest-blogging on this site for the rest of this week, leading up to his Comedy Central Presents half-hour special this Friday night at 10p / 9c. Until then, read this interview with Peter at mrskin.com.

Here's a preview clip from Peter's half-hour special.

Ben Bailey: Lashes

Ben Bailey stars in his own Comedy Central Presents special premiering TONIGHT, Friday, April 21st at  9:30p / 8:30c during Stand-Up Nation with Greg Giraldo. Watch our interview with him.

I was sitting in my hotel room earlier today, and I rubbed my eyes. When I pulled my hands away from my face I noticed that I had lost an eyelash.  I was alarmed at the notion that these little hairs have been falling out of my face for most of life.  I never thought about it before, but they just fall out all the time...and they have been falling out for as long as I can remember. 

I began to wonder how I could have been losing them all along, and yet I still seem to always have a full set in my face.  How could I keep losing them and still have them all?   

Where were the new ones coming from? I have never seen a new little one sprouting; and I look at my face most days first thing. How does it work?  Does a new one slide into place as soon as one falls out?  I have never noticed half of one coming in, like “oh good, here’s a new one coming in, thanks god, I need a few new ones, I lost like five on those binoculars the other day...” 

SO that is my question for the day...where the hell do new eyelashes come from?  DO they grow in really quickly?   Or is there a little elf that walks up on your face while you’re sleeping and shoots them into your face . . . and if it is a little elf, where do his new eyelashes come from? Because he would have a supply of eyelashes for us, but they would be too big for him, so maybe there is an endless chain of eyelash elves that get smaller and smaller, and they work constantly to maintain the the world’s eyelashes, maybe that’s it . . . maybe.

The Life of Kiley, Pt. 2

Brian Kiley takes the spotlight in his own Comedy Central Presents special premiering this Friday, April 21st at  9p / 8c during Stand-Up Nation with Greg Giraldo. Sample his mike work here and enjoy the conclusion to his comic origin story:

Ben Bailey: Customer Service

Ben Bailey stars in his own Comedy Central Presents special premiering this Friday, April 21st at  9:30p / 8:30c during Stand-Up Nation with Greg Giraldo. He'll be guest-blogging with us this week --  enjoy his first installment below -- and don't forget to watch our interview with him.

I think that we could really help out the unemployed ofthe country by giving them jobs in customer service, there are obviously not enough people doing that particular job, or we wouldn't have to sit on hold for twenty minutes everytime we call a utility company or the bank.  It would be bad enough if they just left you there to listen to their sh**ball hold music which never even comes through clearly, it's alway too loud and distorted so it's even more annoying than it would be anyway (which is already pretty damn annoying...

The (Comedic) Life of Kiley, Pt. I

Brian Kiley stars in his own Comedy Central Presents special premiering this Friday, April 21st at  9p / 8c during Stand-Up Nation with Greg Giraldo. Sample his verbal wares here and enjoy the tale of his comic birth as follows:

My show business career began when I was in the third grade. My teacher that year was a surly, plump woman I’ll call “Mrs. Evans.” (Coincidentally, her real name was Mrs. Evans!) One day, shortly after I had finished eating all my paste and was getting set to forge my field trip permission slip, Mrs. Evans called me to her desk. “Brian,” she said, (she always called me Brian) “The Christmas pageant is coming up and I want you to be the star.” And I was. I hung in the night sky over the manger, pointing the way for the wise men (played by 3 children wise enough to ask for speaking parts).

Pat Dixon: Donkeys, Buttermilk

Pat Dixon's special Letters to Coogan continues as we reach the eve of his Comedy Central Presents special, tonight at 9:30p / 8:30c during Stand-Up Nation with Greg Giraldo. Don't forget to check out his website.

Dear Coogan,
   
    Coogan, I’m so bummed out about how things are between us.  Every week I uncork the poetry of my soul and freely pour it for you to enjoy like a fine wine.  And every week you twist the cap off your derision and pour if over my head like sour buttermilk.  Every week I place my heart at your feet, and every week you grind it into the ground with the sharp heal of your dainty shoe.  You’re like that b**ch who holds the ball for Charlie Brown and then jerks it away over and over again.  And I’m like a big fathead kid who never changes his shirt and who never learns his lesson.

    And when it’s over you stroll away laughing, football in hand with some of my heart stuck to your shoe while I’m flat on my back, unconscious and covered in rancid buttermilk.  I’m starting to think (this is hard to even say) that you’re not a good person.  What kind of person allows someone to live a lie?  What kind of person takes another’s love, never intending to reciprocate?  What kind of person enjoys watching another person’s pain?  Carrie Coogan:  Who are you to do this to me?

Andy Kindler: Stream of Self-Consciousness

Andy Kindler's Comedy Central Presents special airs tonight at 9p / 8c. Check out our interview with him here.  Andy has been sharing his special thoughts here this week. For more Andy, go to his website.

Stream of Self Consciousness

Tonight’s the night. Andy Kindler comedy special time.  Be there or don’t be there if you prefer.  9 PM EST.  If you live in other time zones, you’re on your own.  Get off my back.  If you can’t be home, TIV