C.H. Dalton is the fake professor author of A Practical Guide to Racism, a new book that is a parody of racism. (Ed: seriously, this was the best sentence we could come up with to describe this book.)

ANYway, this is a pretty funny excerpt from the book, from a section on Gypsies: Common Gypsy Grifts. This was our favorite:

THE ZOLTAR MACHINE
Frustrated by his small stature, a young boy asks a Gypsy machine to make him "big" in exchange for money. When the mark wakes up the next day, he is a grown man, but this soon grows tiresome, and there is no way to change back. Needless to say, the Zoltar machine keeps the nickel.

If you're in NYC on Saturday, July 28 for the 9th Annual Del Close Marathon and have a hankerin' for the comic stylings of the Daily Show/Colbert Report, you owe it to yourself to reserve tix for a team-up of Superfriends proportions.

Alumni correspondents and writers from both shows will join their powers for a one-night only stand at 8:30pm. Location: The Fashion Insitute of Technology (?!). Seats are only $10 + $0.90 service charge to see the likes of Ed Helms, Rob Riggle, Ed Helms and Dan Bakkedahl take your filthy suggestions and spin them into ART.

(Note: We [almost] guarantee that Ed Helms will not have his nipples jump-wired to a car battery for the actual show. At least not literally.)

The one time I forget to watch The Daily Show (last Thursday) and then go out of town, I end up spending the entire weekend  listening to my friends talk about this local weather promo:

We got a tip yesterday that acclaimed director (and Monty Python member) Terry Gilliam would be visiting the Daily Show ticket line to drum up support for his new movie, Tideland. So we sent a CC Insider spy (and rabid Terry Gilliam fan) to investigate. His full report is after the jump.

http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_daily_show/videos/most_recent/index.jhtml?playVideo=75838A juicy serving of videos today, including Jon's take on Clinton's "meltdown," Dan B. on the scourge of female teachers and Pat Buchanan's plans for the border.

In an interview there were two Clintons: Angry and Informational. Which one did the media focus on?

It must be nice to have a democracy that’s so young you can still be disappointed in it.

Sam Bee doesn’t have the facts on Bill Clinton, but she knows guilt by listening with her eyes.

There’s a feminine menace in our schools as Dan Bakkedahl investigates America’s “Boy Crisis.”

A Pulitzer Prize winner (for girls) dispels the myth of the “Boy Crisis” as Dan Bakkedahl reports.

Jon simplifies Pat Buchanan’s immigration philosophy into delicious candy terms.

Pat Buchanan airs out his grievances with the Mexican government.

Stephen grants Jon the authority to invite Pat Buchanan to the Report.

World Cup follies, presidential belly kisses, charity-based diseases and Marine recollections in this clutch of Daily Show videos.

It's likely that Zidane headbutted Materazzi to save him from choking on a spicy meat-a ball.

Russian leader Vladimir Putin kissed a boy on his tummy. That would not have been Jon’s move.

Dan Bakkedahl profiles a man brutally inconvenienced by Acute Chronic Walkathonitis.

Former U.S. Marine Ilario Pantano talks about his experience in the Iraq War in his book, Warlord.

The improv junkies at YESand.com have run an interview with the Daily Show's Dan Bakkedahl. Join Dan as he waxes philosophic about long-form in general and the Chicago community in particular.

Basically, the lesson the government learned from Katrina was: they had done too much.