George Carlin turns 71 today. Make sure you honor him by using the words shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits as often as possible. Just sprinkle them into normal conversations. For example, instead of saying, "Good morning, Monsignor," try, "Good morning, Monsignor shitty tits."

Here's George Carlin on The Daily Show in 2004:

Comedy legend George Carlin is celebrating a whopping 50 years in show business with a new DVD collection packed with 14 discs of HBO stand-up specials. The LA Times has an interview with Carlin today, in which he's asked about his famous less-than-sunny outlook on life:

I'm looking at the titles of your last few -- "You Are All Diseased," "Complaints and Grievances," "Life Is Worth Losing." If I didn't know better, I'd think you were a pessimist.

Well, I am a pessimist as far as the world is concerned. I have absolutely low prospects for the human race; I have very low prospects for this country. For myself, though, very high prospects. I'm a personal optimist.

How does one keep pessimism from making them miserable, souring their outlook, preventing them from embracing life?

You can't care. You see, I don't care about the outcome in this country [or] on this planet because I know this is all temporal b.s. It's not a religious point of view, it's just realism. I like living somewhere detached from all of this emotionally. I don't really have a stake in the outcome anymore.

About 30 years ago, I became a person who said, "You know something? People aren't worth worrying about and caring about." One by one, yes; any time I'm with one person, I'm fine. There's all sorts of compassion and empathy in my heart. But when you consider them as a group, from a distance, I don't give a . . . about them.

Previously: Bill Cosby Defends Pryor, Carlin and WTF?

Previously: George Carlin and Sarah Silverman to be in New Book Together