The son of Bush is beset on all sides by devils.

We know al-Qaeda is after our field mice!

Stephen and Ben Franklin talk about their inventions, and who died of syphilis.

Arianna Huffington's touch burns Stephen.

Comedian Steve Byrne's Comedy Central Presents special airs this Friday at 9p / 8c. Steve will be doing guest blog posts on this site for the rest of the week. Learn more about Steve here.

I am so not smooth. We all think we have a little bit of the Fonz in us, but for the most part we really are just Henry Winkler. I am not cool, at all. If I was the following wouldn't have happened. I regularly perform every night at a club in NYC called The Comedy Cellar. You might know it from Seinfeld's movie, Comedian. Half of the movie took place in this club. That's the half of the movie I relate with. The other half of the movie takes place in 4 star hotels, jet planes and a very expensive apartment, that's the part of Comedian that is lost on me. I am a comedian, my friends are comedians and we've never seen any of that crap. Back to the story, the Cellar….

It's almost like a frat house of all the best comedians in Manhattan all hanging out anywhere from 9 pm to 2am. Thats how long the show runs. We are all there 5-7 days a week and we all know each other. Unfortunately for me, a lot of guys happened to be hanging out at the bar upstairs from the club at the restaurant The Olive Tree Cafe. Up there is a table all the comics sit at while we wait to go on or cool off after a set. There were about 9 comics sitting there to witness me make a complete fool of myself. I was sitting at the bar watching some hockey. I asked Wes, the bar keep, who looks like Zach Braff, for my check. I got the check and laid my money on the bar. Just as I put my dough down a man sits next to me at the bar and brushes up against me. I thought it was weird at the time because the whole bar was empty and he sat right next to me. Kind of like when you go into a men's room to pee and a dude comes right to the urinal next to you when there are already 6 other empty urinals. Give me my space!!!

So, I walk away from the bar and sit with the other fellas. About 2 minutes go by and I go back to the bar to check the score of the game. I then notice my bill is at the bar, but not my money. I then look and see that guy who brushed up against me leaving the bar. He sat there for about 3 minutes and he just left an empty bar and he was next to me, so there I am doing the math (I'm Asian so it's really quick.) He must've taken my money! Damnit, this can't be happening to me. No one takes advantage of Steve Byrne! No one, except for the airline industry during peak travel season.

I had to man up. I had to make sure this guy knew he wasn't getting away with this. I bolted to the doorway and asked the man if he had taken my money I laid down on the bar right next to him. He looked at me and started to chuckle. This older man, probably in his late forties or early fifites, just looked at me and asked if I was serious. I had to call his bluff, I knew what he did and I looked him dead in his eyes and said YES! He said let's go to the bar and take care of this. He then took the lead into the bar and laughed at me. "I can't believe that you think I took your money", he said to me. That didn't bug me, what did bother me was when he laughed at me. I tore into him. "Well I find it odd your in here for three minutes, you sit right next to me and when I put my money down and walk away, you disappear!", I felt like Cochran during the OJ trial.

We are going back and forth. The waitresses stop waiting, the bartender is watching our tennis match of accusations and insults, the comics have all stopped joking and everything in the bar stopped to see how this would play out. I knew it, I felt it. Take a seat boys, watch me get my money back from this thief, is what I am thinking. Wes the bartender is trying to get the story from this thief and he continues to laugh at me as he talks about me. Just as he is claiming he didn't take anything and he works on Wall Street, I shake my head and yell at him, "You stole my money, now just put it on the bar and leave you old bastard!"

He laughs, the kind of laugh someone makes when they are about to kill you in a Van Damme film. Just then I see something in the corner of my eye. Its green and somewhere in the vicinity of the floor. I don't even need to look at it directly, I know what it is. My money must have fallen to the floor and no one else knows but me. I and I alone know how this story will end and it will be with me apologizing to this man whom I have yelled at and embarrassed for the last 5 minutes. I literally feel my backbone draining out of my body, I want to run, die, get struck by lightning, anything but what I have to do. Bend down and pick up my money. I begin to descend to the floor. With each crack of vertabrae, I hear comic by comic being to chuckle and gasp. They one by one start to laugh and it then goes into a unison of something along the lines of, A HA!!!

The older man just looks at me like I just told everyone the Holocaust was bullshit, or that Michael Jackson never did anything wrong, just basically a face of disgust. Here it is the moment of truth. Can I truly be a man and accept my wrongdoings in front of everyone and truly face the music? Kind of. I lean in and apologize to the man. In a very hushed, almost whisper effect, like I am admitting it, but I don't want anyone else to know. I say," I am very sorry, I guess my money fell on the floor, I apologize."

He goes to shake my hand. I, like an ass, say, I just apologized to you, I am not shaking your hand. As I am saying it, I know my pride is saying screw him you just said you're sorry, dont shake his hand. My mind is telling me, shake his hand accept defeat, you were wrong, but that ManThing happened to me. I will meet you half way.

He then looked at me, he knew I was wrong, I knew I was wrong, only I wouldn't bend. He laughed at me once more and called me pathetic. He was right. I was wishing as he walked away that I could run over to him and apologize, but really am I going to say I am sorry twice in a row within a six minute span? I was just making it worse. I felt so bad about the situation, I went to church the next day and confessed. So, maybe just maybe this fella is out there somewhere in cyber space and he is reading this knowing I feel bad about my pride getting the best of me. Sir, I am very sorry for the third time, I know I won't let it rest, but its been bugging me. For those of you that did wrong and know it but for some reason you just keep hanging in there, let it go, admit it. You'll feel better. OJ, Scott Peterson, Bill Clinton, Frank Gifford, Steve Byrne, just admit it, you F#$ked up. Now say your sorry and go to sleep. Sir, I am sorry.

Comedian Steve Byrne's Comedy Central Presents special airs this Friday at 9p / 8c. Steve will be doing guest blog posts on this site for the rest of the week. Learn more about Steve here.

My own Comedy Central Presents, I can't believe it. It is single-handedly one of the most important events I have been a part of since becoming a comedian 8 years ago. I am very proud and flattered to have been asked by Comedy Central to be a part of the new season along with some great friends and wonderful comics. Recently, I made my own documentary film called 13 or Bust.

This really is the one thing I have done that I am most proud of because I did it on my own. My very own creation and its my baby. It is a film that I did about two years ago and I finally finished her up!

The premise of the film is that I wanted to encapsulate a night in the life of a stand up comedian in NYC. Like the Seinfeld movie, Comedian, minus taking a jet plane to gigs. So, I found out that according to most other comedians, that Dave Attell had done 12 shows in one night. So, I thought to myself, maybe we can do a film about doing 13 shows in one night at all 10 comedy clubs in Manhattan and that is exactly what we did. I contacted all the comedy clubs in NYC and asked them if they would play along. All of them, thank god, went with it. I worked on a schedule that would start at about 6:00 pm at The Comic Strip on the Upper East Side and end at about 2:15 am at The Comedy Cellar in the West Village. I did sets that averaged 15 minutes each and gave myself 15 to 20 minutes in between each set to get from one club to the next in a cab.

I wanted to show the frantic pacing of running from one club to the next, the cabs, the other comics along the way, all the different clubs, audiences, great shows, bad shows, basically a warts and all film. You really see me eat it at some points, badly. You also get to see me do really well. That really is what its like and we discuss it as well.

During the afternoon before the shows, I had lunch with Comedy Central alum's Bill Burr, Dov Davidoff and Robert Kelly. We filmed the lunch and discussed bombing, killing, girls, crowds, everything a comic may go through in a night of performing. So then throught the night, when something happened to me that we discussed we threw in the conversation piece at the appropriate time. That is honestly my favorite part of the film. First off, I love all three of the other guys, but I also love their interaction on the film. It's really mean, but so honest that it comes from a place of friendship. It's really neat to see.

So check out the trailer on my website, SteveByrneLive.Com. You can order the DVD off my site.

I spend a bit more time now in LA, so this film is even more special for me now to look at it and really appreciate the stand up comedy scene that is so wonderful and thriving in the Big Apple. So, check out a very happy moment in time for me, my own 1/2 hour special on Comedy Central, but see what its like to prepare for it on a nightly basis in my film, 13 or Bust!

Through the sheer power of alcohol and bare breasts, the Deep South has risen again.

Anger and outrage are appropriate in cable news — so you know who's in trouble.

Until wheels get their act together, the President should travel by hot air balloon or dirigible.

Liberty University's Brett O'Donnell debates with Stephen about debating.

The housemates "help" Xandir prepare to tell his parents he's gay.

Extreme Makeover: House Edition will take place next Tuesday in New York City. Stand-up comics to perform include Michael Showalter ("Stella," "The State"), Bobby Tisdale ("Invite Them Up," "Stella"), with MCs Nick Kroll and John Mulaney from "I Love the '30s" plus a Surprise Guest. The show is a benefit for Patrick Murphy for Congress (in Pennsylvania) — ticket info is here.

(Colin Quinn, Bobby Kelly, Steve's Brother, Steve Byrne)

Comedian Steve Byrne's Comedy Central Presents special airs this Friday at 9p / 8c. Steve will be doing guest blog posts on this site for the rest of the week. Learn more about Steve here.

My name is Steve Byrne and this is my first blog post. A lot of people ask me what the coolest show I have ever done is, or the biggest crowd I have performed for, or the most fun I've had on stage. While I have been to a lot of cool venues, the single handed greatest experience I have ever had doing stand up was opening for Darryl Hall and John Oates at a grand opening of a Wal Mart in Seacacus, New Jersey. Just joking, I wish that would happen. Honestly, the best and most rewarding time I have ever had performing was back in March of 2005. I regularly work at a club in New York City at a very popular comedy club called The Comedy Cellar. It was featured quite a bit in the movie Comedian with Jerry Seinfeld. A big player in that movie is Colin Quinn who is also a regular at the Cellar.

We got to know each other casually and he was doing a USO tour of Iraq in March of 2005. My younger brother William is in the Army and at the time he was stationed in Iraq. Colin got wind of this and was kind enough to ask me to go along with himself and another comedian named Robert Kelly.

We went off to Iraq and it was the worst of conditions not only for the troops, but especially for a comedian to do a show. These conditions are the worst and as a comedian, your looking at a "stage" which is a flat bed truck and no microphone and thinking, "I am going to eat it here in the desert in front of these tough, rugged soldiers."

Truth be told, it's the complete opposite. They were so starved for entertainment that they loved every minute of every one of our sets. The craziest part of it all is that these soldiers, who are serving our country in a war zone and getting shot at every day, are thanking us comedians for coming out there. It honestly brought me to tears many times. The most soul affecting moment was a camp we went to called Camp Korea. Now being Korean, I thought this would be cool, but there were no Koreans there, in fact there was nothing there and I mean nothing. It was a newly established camp, so they were all sleeping in tents, no heat, very, very cold in 20 to 30 degree weather.

They got one hot meal a day — a sausage patty cooked on a hot metal plate that was being heated by what looked like the exhaust booster of the Batmobile. The show we were scheduled to do started at 9:00. Due to flight problems, we didn't even show up until 2:00 am. When we arrived, we figured all the troops had gone to bed or simply left.

That simply was not the case. We had heard 120 soldiers showed up around 9:00 and not one of them left. They had waited for 5 hours to see three comedians tell them jokes in a cold, bombed out basement. The conditions were horrendous and yet these men sat there and laughed as though they had never heard a joke live, ever, in their lives. I remember bringing up Colin Quinn and sitting in the back and just watching all their faces, high fiving each other after certain jokes and just having a ball. I haven't been touched like that in a long time. I cried. Worse than when I saw Finding Nemo. That kind of unleashing of tears that can only occur when you are truly affected, like when you heard the Fat Boys broke up.

The true highlight of the trip was the second to last day we were in Iraq. We went to Baghdad to Camp Victory North. We had three shows that day and my younger brother was going to be spending the day with us. Now I honestly don't know if he was happy to see his older brother in a war zone, or if he was really elated that he didn't have to work that day patroling. He spent the day with us and got to meet Colin which was a highlight for him. I can say that I got to spend the day with my brother, a soldier in the US Army in Iraq. That is a pretty cool thing and something that made us closer. I know this is a Comedy Central Blog and I am to write something witty every few sentences, but its difficult to think of humorous events while we were there. Other than the fact that on our last flight out of Iraq Colin and I got to ride the in the cockpit of an enormous cargo plane called a C130.

Bobby Kelly was sitting by himself in the back of the plane. As we were still ascending, we got shot at and the plane shot off flares to distract anything heat seeking. Now while Colin and I watched the crew, with a cool demeanour, figure out what happened, we knew something happened and that we got shot at, but thats about it. Colin leaned in to me and said how great it would be that in the event that we went down in flames, we would at least be together and go with the crew, but Bobby Kelly would be all by himself. Colin and I could have a human connection and relate and talk about loved ones we'll never see again, but dumb Bobby would be in the back wondering what is going on, s%$&^ing his parents with no one to console him. Anyways, on my Comedy Central Presents I have a joke about my brother being involved in the war. He was able to attend the taping and I am proud to say that he is a part of the special. So, I do hope that you all can check out my special and see my little bro as well.

I promise the next blog will be of a lighter subject matter, I am thinking along the lines of a Donkey Punch or the time I hung out with Dave Coulier, John Stamos and Bob Saget, thats right, The Full House BITCHES!!!

- Steve Byrne

Read more from Steve Byrne tomorrow, and don't forget to watch his new Comedy Central Presents special, Friday at 9p / 8c.

Didn't catch "Jonnie Stew's" interview last night on Larry King Live? Read the transcript for choice bon mots such as:

"You know I feel like so you give up a homerun in the All Star game, do you know what I mean? At least you got there. I have very low expectations for myself, so this is one of those things that, you know, it has surprised me so far people's anxiety level for me. You know there's — I really have gotten a sense where people are like 'Are you OK?' And I just think yes."

The seminal 1990's comedy troupe, The State, reunited for the upcoming Reno 911! movie. Read the report on The State's website.

Comedians Aziz Ansari, Rob Huebel, Paul Scheer and Jason Woliner launched The Human Giant to showcase their work.

Aziz is on a roll! Watch his Premium Blend stand-up here.