The closest I've come to winning a major award was once when I got an STD test, and it came back negative. But that barely counts, because I was a virgin, so my trophy case is just full of Troll dolls dressed in graduation gowns, which I bought myself.

The Colbert Report writers don't have that problem though, and they can add another award to their collective mantle now that The Report has won a WGA Award in the Comedy/Variety Series category! Here's one of the best clips from 2011:

Congrats again to Stephen Colbert and his fantastic writing staff!

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.

They say, "If you want something done, you have to do it yourself." Which is true, except for laundry. Once, I washed a white shirt and it came out pink. All I was trying to do was wash off all the blood! Now I pay someone to wash the blood off my shirts. But, as Nick Cannon demonstrates in this clip from his new special, the maxim is otherwise true. Nick takes matters into his own hands and introduces himself to the stage.

Nick Cannon: Mr Showbiz premieres tomorrow at 11/10c.

Did you know some mayflies live and die within the time-span of a single Full House episode. And not one of the two-parters starring The Beach Boys, one of the boring ones about Comet. My point is, we should all spend our precious time on important things, like watching Nick Vatterott and Joe Mande run through their half hour sets in preparation for their upcoming specials.

They'll both be performing at Comedy Central Corporate Retreat next Monday, February 20 at 8pm at the UCBeast Theater. Tickets are only $5. Click here to make a reservation. Here's a taste of both comics…

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We've all heard the unfair stereotype that black people talk loudly during movies, but do you know who really talk loudly during movies? Children! How am I supposed to to learn how to train my dragon with all the kids in the theater laughing and cheering during the screening of How to Train Your Dragon? At least if Key & Peele had been in the theater I actually would have learned something…

An all-new Key & Peele airs tomorrow at 10:30/9:30c after Tosh.0.

Back in November, we discovered Marc Jacobs tattooed Cartman's dolls onto his arm. And now, he's using his South Park fandom for the greater good. The Marc Jacobs clothing company is selling South Park T-shirts featuring Cartman, Butters and Randy to benefit the NYU Skin Cancer Institute. It's kind of like when Cartman founded the Crack Baby Athletic Association except the complete opposite. Here's a video of a special window display being set-up at a Marc Jacobs store in New York.

Don't miss your one chance to do a charitable deed AND wear clothing (Usually, you have to be naked to be a good person)! You can buy the shirts here.

If you've ever taken an improv class, you know the basic rules:

1.) Say no to everything your teammates say.
2.) And that's it.

Keegan-Michael Key went on Conan last night to demonstrate how to glom, undulate and mime. After watching the video, you'll be ready to audition for a Harold team, which, as we all know, is a group of guys named Harold who watch you undress.

There's more of Keegan's interview after the jump.

Key & Peele airs Tuesdays at 10:30/9:30c after Tosh.0.

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The first time I met my best friend, it was pretty awkward. I was crying hysterically and covered in blood. She was sweating and exhausted, because she'd just finished giving birth to me. Believe it or not though, there are plenty of people with friends who are not their mother. Take Jon Stewart for instance. Many recurring Daily Show guests, dubbed "friends of the show," were not connected to him via an umbilical chord. Here's the first appearance from Bill O'Reilly, who's returned to the show several times since.

For me, be sure to check out this collection of first appearances by The Daily Show's favorite recurring guests.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.

Crying at Key & Peele!!!!! Lmaoooo

— Runa Lucienne (@RunaLucienne) February 3, 2012

Is it a good thing or a bad thing when you make a former Playboy bunny cry?

Follow: @ComedyCentral, @CCInsider, @Indecision and @ccstandup.

Key & Peele airs Tuesdays at 10:30/9:30c after Tosh.0.

Robots are a modern marvel that excite the world's imagination. But you know what's even more exciting? The miracle of turning wood pulp into paper! Redditor vanillacustard Cubeecraft combined the two to make a 3D paper cut-out of Bender. Now you'll be the coolest kid on the block, holding up your paper bender and making it say things like, "Kiss my shiny, printer paper ass!"

After the jump, I've posted what the little guy will look like once complete.

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Usually corporate retreats are held in a cabin in the mountains or by the lake. It's not often they're held in black-box theater noted for it's legendary improv troupes, but this isn't your grandma's corporate retreat! We're bringing in the best comics and you're invited! The show's on Monday, February 6 at 8pm at the UCB Theater. Click here to make reservations.

Here's the line-up, with a little taste of what they do…

Host: Seth Herzog

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